They ask me what that means.
"The sweat pants are classic and the top is Bohemian because I don't know what that means."
Ive decided I need shopping buddies, those friends that keep it real when I hit the stores. People who know me well and all the Fashion Faux Pas I've done in the past.
They don't let me do anything in the women's clothing section of the store alone.
Standing outside the dressing room door, waiting, and when I emerge either saying, "Yes you can walk down to the full length mirror outside the dressing room," or,
"Oh hell No! Get back in there and get that shit off."
Having my Shopping Nazi friends with me saves money, they are the voice of reason countering the sales girl saying, "Oh what a beautiful orange blouse for fall," they reply, "You look like the Great Pumpkin, take it off right now."
These are the same friends smiling while guiding me from the juvenile sections of the store to a more appropriate section that has normal sizes like 4,6 and 8 not 0, 2, 7 and 9 (Why are Juvenile sizes different? And how can I easily get in an 8 women but can't squeeze into a 9 Juvenile?)
I need my friends watching me pick out heels laughing, "Tell me when you are going to wear those because I want to video tape you falling all over the place."
They remind me, "Honey, we are at the age where comfort always trumps cute." If I balk they embarrass me with, "What are your bunions going to say to those shoes. You'll wear them for ten minutes then they'll rot in your closet."
I held up a beautiful cape without buttons saying, "Won't this be fun for winter?"
They say, "That's thinner than the toilet paper at your house, you'll freeze to death. Plus one 25MPH wind gust and that cape will be halfway to TN. Girl, you need a coat up here not a cape. Who are you SuperGirl?"
I've even taken them with me to the "Intimates" area because I need sage advice like, "Your boobs look like National Geographic in that bra," and, "Don't bend over, everything will be FREE!!!"
When I'm contemplating that one extra purchase, thinking about what is in my bank account versus what I have in my shopping buggy, they save me money again.
"You won't have enough for that bottle of wine if you buy another pair of socks, heck put away the tunic that looks like a Moo Moo on you and we both can afford a bottle of wine!"Because, of course, it is all about priority.
Standing in front of the mirror wondering why the Boho Chic hat makes me look like Honey Boo Boo in a Boho Chic hat while on my friend it looks perfect, she smiles, takes it off my head saying,
"There there, let's go have a glass of wine."
Money saved, a glass of wine to be had. I can call that winning.
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