Looking For Something?

Monday, September 26, 2016

WTF - The Perfect Wedding Day

Today is my anniversary, I'm losing count on the years and the hubby and I even argue on the exact day, pulling out the invitation yearly as we discuss who was right.  I thought I would share with you the perfect wedding day.

In my mind, I saw a beautiful wedding, me as the bride looking radiant of course, creating the perfect picture in the back of St. Mary's church watching my bridesmaids walking down the aisle, the gorgeous little flower girl and ring bearer before I walked down.

What happened:

The music started, everything was going as I pictured, the bridesmaids walking out one by one. I picked up the antique ring pillow of Bill and Peggy Melang's, handed it to my 4 year old ring bearer, "OK Christopher, it's just like we practiced, are you ready?"

He looked at me with big eyes, "Aunt Kelly, I don't want to carry that thang." (Southern accent please)

Me, "Honey, you have to carry that thing, you are the ring bearer."

Child, "But Aunt Kelly I don't want to carry that thang!" Tears are starting now, bridesmaids are still going out the door.

OK, Plan B, I give Ring Bearer the flowers, the Flower Girl the pillow, "See Christopher you don't have to carry the pillow, you can carry the flowers."

Flower girl looks at me as tears start spitting from her eyes, "But Aunt Kelly, I wanted to be the FLOWER girl!"

OK, Plan C. I grab the pillow, rip the rings off of it, my ring disappears, all I have is ONE RING.

"Oh shit," I say knowing a bride shouldn't be cussing on her wedding day as I drop to all fours looking for my ring. My Dad is standing by the door watching me, laughing, thanks for the help Dad.

Finally after fifteen harrowing sections I find my ring, it is stuck inside Jeff's.  THANK GOD!

I grab the ring bearer and shove the rings in his pocket, "See you are the RING BEARER now!"

I hand the flower girl the flowers, "And you are the FLOWER GIRL!  NOW GO!"

Everyone is mouthing at me as I walk down the aisle, "Where are the rings? Where are the rings?"

I mouth back, "They're in his pocket."

The best man grabs the ring bearer digging in his pocket for the rings, of course the child shouts out, "DON'T TAKE MY 50 CENTS!" as we hear quarters jiggle in his pocket.

So, just like everything in life, I learned the first lesson of marriage on my wedding day.

Life is all about Plan B because we all know A never works.

Oh, did I mention the phone call from my father the next morning, "Honey, we have a small problem. I seem to have misplaced your wedding dress. I put it on top of my car when I left the hotel and drove  off."

"WHAT????" I'm picturing some hooker in downtown Baltimore running around in my wedding dress.

Luckily it was found and stuffed in a broom closet.

Happy Anniversary to Us, here's to all the Plans past A because B-Z are always much more fun!


  1. Happy Anniversary to the one and only Love of My Life! I remember it all differently. It was perfection! Love you my Tasty Kakes.

    1. Love you too sweetie, wouldn't change a thang!!