Challenge: Get in and out of the grocery store in 15 minutes prior to school pickup.
Of course every line has a zillion people (it was supposed to snow that night) so I pull a Mario Andretti with my cart sliding into the open Self Checkout space better than parallel parking in Boone.
This is going to be easy.
That's what the sign says.
"Please enter your Value Savings Card."
No card, where's that button? Oh here it is.
"Please enter your phone number for card lookup."
Which number? I've had this card for 10 years? 3 phone numbers later the attendant comes over and waves her magic card and I can start checking out!
Everything goes smoothly until I start running Lunchables through the checkout.
I'm about 3 deep in the Lunchables, when it says, "Please put the item in the bag."
I put the item in the bag, how many had I already rung?
"Please take the item out of the bag." I pull one out.
"Please put the item back in the back."
The attendant comes over with a sour look on her face, waves that magic card again and I'm golden!
Moving to Lotrimin creme, buy one get one free. (when you have boys you do buy this in bulk) It doesn't take the second one off? Doesn't it realize this was the whole reason for the trip to the grocery store? All the other stuff if just to hide this? I look over to the attendant, who sighs and walks over to me.
"This is buy one get one free." I say pointing.
She looks up and loudly says, "Let me check that, Vagisil or Lotrimin?"
"Lotrimin" I say quietly
"What?" She yells.
She comes back and waves that magic card again and 7.99 comes off my bill.
Produce comes along, "Please enter the number for your produce."
I look at my brussel sprouts, I can't see that damn number.
"Please use Produce Number Lookup."
A big screen pops up, I'm guess Brussel Sprouts is probably under vegetable.
Is it organic vegetable, specialty vegetable, common vegetables.
Why can't I find small little cabbages or brussel sprouts.
I look over to the bottle of wine, maybe I should just open that now.
The cashier appears next to me looking at my produce waves her card again, entering in a number.
Grapes! Grapes should be easy. THANK GOD they made the number large enough that I can see it!
I enter the code, leaning close making sure I got it right.
"Thank you." I look, "Holy shit, I'm not spending $14.37 on GRAPES!"
The cashier I guess is watching me like a prison guard, she appears next to me, "You had your hand on the corner of the scale and leaned on it." Another wave of the card and I'm almost done.
Finally the wine, I look at the screw off top but decide against chugging it. I run it over the scanner.
Everything stops again. "Please show your ID."
I hold my license to the screen. Nothing happens, I look over to my best friend, the cashier. She looks at me then hits of few buttons on her screen and I guess I'm legal.
FINALLY, "How would you like to pay?"
I press credit card, swipe my card, we are back to something I recognize.
"Please enter PIN number." I enter pin number.
"The machine kind of blinks at me like, WHAT?" The cashier appears again next to me. "You chose credit."
"OH!" This time I think she wants me out of her hair because she stays with me the entire time I am paying for my groceries, helps me load them into the cart, then moves the cart far away from the Self Checkout area.
Time: 27 minutes, sorry kids.
But I do have to pick up something at the Hardware Store on the way home and they have a Self Checkout.