I love volunteering at my children's schools, especially because I can keep tabs on them and not get arrested for stalking them at school.
The only problem is when they need test proctors for end of year testing. I know many teachers and parents have written very useful articles about how hard testing is for children at the end of the year, but they forget about us proctors! Imagine someone with my stellar personality having to walk around a room not meeting any eyes, not focusing on anything and
No cell phones!
No snapchat a picture of me being bored proctoring the test!
But I'm ready for the end of the school year like the rest of them so I volunteer every year as a proctor, let's get this show on the road.
This year was different, rather than a classroom, it was just one student. So I'm thinking, "Oh this could be a piece of cake."
The teacher walks in and my first thought is, "Well hello cutie patootie!" moving quickly to, "My god woman, you are in a testing environment!" Sometimes you can't help yourself.
So we are in a room the size of a broom closet, all three of us, myself and teacher staring at the child testing. Luckily he is a good enough sport and doesn't cave under the pressure of the windowless room and testing.
So, I thought this would be easier than walking the room, no, it is much harder. Every time I would shift in my chair it would creak, both the teacher's eyes and the students moving toward me.
After the first ten minutes I am bored of staring at the student, another ten minutes later I figure the teacher would think I was creepy staring at him, another ten minutes later I've counted every ceiling tile, and we are not even close to finishing.
As I look around the room, my chair creaks, all eyes turn to me. "Sorry," I mouth.
We get a three minute break, so we all three get up trying to move in the room saying, "Excuse me, excuse me" as we stretch, back to the test.
Finally I see him counting the pages to the end of the test, my chair creaks again as I strain seeing how many pages he has left thinking honey, I am counting with you. 3,2,1
Watching him slowly putting the answers in, every mark has me thinking YES! Another one in the book, we are ALMOST THERE! Believe me, I am screaming this in my head.
A few more to go, my chair creaks as I watch him start to answer another question, I look over to the teacher realizing he's probably feeling the same way!
Another step closer to the end of the test and
He sits back in his chair playing with the pencil.
My chair creaks as I think, Man, I'm getting older in this room.
I've never wanted someone to answer questions so bad. My back hurts from holding still in my creaky chair, my mouth is dry, I can't tap my feet.
He leans forward to answer another question, then sits back in the chair. I feel the deepest despair in my life.
Finally, I watch him close the book, my heart starts beating wildly, could it be?
"I'm done," he says, I smile move in my chair, let it creak!
"Are you sure, why don't you go back and double check this section?"
Disclaimer - this is a work of fiction, I have not taken the EOG's nor will I ever take the EOG's. Thank goodness. All testing was done in a manner agreeable to the state of North Carolina. All teachers used the Men In Black pens on us Proctors, effectively erasing our memories so we will sign up for proctoring next year.