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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Thursday, March 2, 2017

WTF - Commercials vs Reality

Did you know there's a definite difference between reality vs TV commercials!

Pimples. The first commercial is a beautiful woman worried about the SINGLE pimple on her face.

Reality - Craters, lots and lots of craters on your face. And sure it MAY have started with a single pimple, but in reality you pick at the damn thing until you're ready to give it a name, it's so big. Oh and according to the commercial, it clears up the next day. Reality, you look like Freddy Kreuger for a good month or so.



The next product promises a quick family meal complete with everyone sitting at the table smiling as you have meaningful conversation.

Reality - the product is so organic and gluten free that it tastes like cardboard, usually erupting in an family argument as most at the dinner table challenge each other to eating their food. The dog ends up puking later that night because everyone fed her their dinner. Children argue at the dinner table until parents cannot stand it and start grabbing for the first available hair.

Beer - Look at those beautiful skinny people running 26.2 miles then of course hanging out in the bar afterwards sipping on a low calorie beer enjoying time with friends.

Reality - walking up to the beer tent like Frankenstein because you forgot the Body Glide between the cheeks of your butt, accepting the beer, then promptly throwing it up in the trash can as one of your friends says, "Dayum, what is that smell?"

Man and Fragrance - If you douse yourself in that "manly" cologne women magically appear, hanging off your elbows!

Reality - You do DOUSE yourself in the horribly smelling stuff and women start running. Worse yet, you hug one poor woman and the next morning she still smells like your cologne! Lasting memories!

Having your Period - take one pill and all of a sudden you feel like a million bucks, taking care of your children, smiling at your husband, enjoying the day at work!

Reality - Taking 6 pills of said product and it still doesn't do a thing, biting your husband's head off in the morning, threatening boarding school to your children and your coworkers locking you in the closet for the next 7 days.

Cleaning products - use our product and you'll enjoy cleaning your house, the family coming home smiling.

Reality - you can't get the safety latch off the product, then effectively pour it all over yourself when you do. No one notices the clean house when they come home and very quickly trash the place up again.

So you see, commercials think they got us right but they don't. I want to see kids fighting as Mom threatens, while Dad drinks

Now that's a product I'd buy.

1 comment:

  1. I love this, and I love the ShitBegone TP even more! LOL!

    ReplyDelete