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Tuesday, March 14, 2017

WTF - Things I Never Thought I'd Say as a Mother

Hanging in the local BE Dollar General is like Walmart, I listened to a mother say,
"What are you smelling? What is that on your finger? Is that poop?"

It brought back sweet memories of life with boys, specifically things I never thought I'd say:

PreK Edition:
Is that chocolate on your face? Or poop? Where is your brother?
Of course Superman keeps his cape in his backpack, you don't want everyone knowing your superpowers.
Please stop locking your brother in the dog kennel!
Did the dog food taste good?
What are you eating? Oh well, it's gone now.
It is not funny wiping boogers on your brother.
Do not point that at me, just go to the bathroom!
Where are your clothes?
Don't touch that!

The K Edition
Well, those two dogs are just playing with each other, play like boys not like them!
We do not chase each other naked out of the tub, that's how someone gets hurt.
They are chicken breasts, not chicken hooters.
We do not use the word "nuts" or "balls" in school. Use the proper term.
What happened to the knobs on the radio? Did you take it apart again?
Don't touch that!

The Tween Edition
I know you think it is funny calling every female dog a bitch, but I don't.
No I am not spending 12 dollars on imaginary gold in an imaginary game for your imaginary character.
Who used all my good bath soap on the trampoline?
Those are my cookies, put them back!
If I sit on a wet toilet seat again someone's getting cut!
Why am I signing him in late to school, "For NO GOOD REASON!"
Don't touch that!

The Teenager Edition
Listen, I'd rather get there alive, we're not Speed Racer.
I'd like all my soup bowls back, can you check under your bed?
If I sit on a wet toilet seat one more time I will cut you!
Who told you turn signals were simply suggestions? Me? What?
Please don't use my razor on your balls.
Oh you want to give me attitude? Let me show you how to properly give ATTITUDE!
Don't touch that!

What would you add to the list?

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