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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Friday, March 10, 2017

WTF - Small Town Living and Serial Killers

I dreamt the other night I was a serial killer living on Beech Mountain. I hadn't killed anyone yet, planning on using the woods behind my house for the bodies. I had it all planned out then realizing I couldn't get away with murder, especially on Beech Mountain.

Living in a small town can keep you legal and keep you clean. Why can't I hide a body?

Everyone knows my car. That could be a problem. What if I am tying up my victim in the back of my car and someone stops saying, "Hey, it's locals night at Eddies, are you going?"

Everyone knows me. Even with a ball cap and ninja clothes, as I am stalking my victim on the ski slopes someone would stop and say, "Kelly? What are you doing in those trees? Do you need ski patrol?" Of course if I say No, then they add, "Then come on out, let's go to the Skybar for a drink." That poor little tourist in rental skis riding down the slope on their butt wouldn't know how lucky they are. Not only do they know what I wear now, they even know my skiing style. (Several give me pointers on how to correct it)

If people don't know me, they've heard about me. Some of this is a good thing, some of it can be very bad. I could try luring the person standing outside Eddie's smoking a cigarette saying, "Hey can I show you something?" And they'd reply, "Aren't you Kelly M? I've heard about you and your kids. Hey! Look! It's Kelly M." So much for the duct tape and taser in my car.

I can't wave. Beech Mountain locals expect waves up and down Beech Mountain Parkway. If I am a serial killer, I'm keeping a low profile which means no waving. Rather than people thinking I am antisocial, they'd all show up at my house wondering what was WRONG! Of course this would coincide with me dragging my first victim back into the woods!

You're always watched. When they know your car, the gear you wear skiing, the hiking trails you frequent there's no way you're going to hide a body. "Kelly was over there on Pond Creek yesterday, I saw her car there. Did you see the six foot mound of fresh dirt? She's working on the erosion project, let's go dig up that dirt and help her!"

Distractions. I'd finally get a victim back to the house and of course someone would text or call with:
Are you on the slopes today? Drink at the Skybar?
Hey Eddies has crushed candy shot glasses, wanna go?
There's live music at Beech Alpen Inn, are you going?
Who wants to get blood all over themselves when these other possibilities sound so much better.

Living in this small town there's a few people (including my boys on a school morning) that I'd love to put in the woods but thankfully the people and this place will keep me legal and clean!

Could you get away with hiding a body where you live?

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