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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Monday, February 6, 2017

WTF - I Found My Dealer

So after so many months on the wagon, I fell off the other day, calling my dealer for a fix.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, it's me."
"You shouldn't be calling me."
"I'm calling for a friend."
"Bull Shit."
"OK, yeah it's for me, but I can control it this time. I swear."
"I don't know."
"Come on, I won't tell anyone you sold them to me."
"Ok, what do you want."

"I need 2 boxes of Caramel Delights, 2 boxes of Thin Mints, 2 boxes of Lemonades."



 Kids have a second sense when it comes to sugar. I barely make it through the door and they are both standing in the kitchen, "You got cookies!"


Damn these were mine, I'm already one box in. I don't want to share.




 Where to hide them.

Here ya go, they'll never look in here.


The next day I find a sleeve of thin mints is missing!

"Did you find my cookies?" I ask them.
"Yeah, why did you put cookies in the Corn Flakes Box?"
Not wanting to explain, I turn the table, "What were you doing in the Corn Flakes, you never eat Corn Flakes!"
"The dog's out of food, we figured it was something healthy to feed her."
They blissfully walk off with MY cookies!

I need a new spot, a place they will never look. There's only two boxes left! I've got to make them last!

This place is perfect.
The next day they're walking through the house with my box of cookies! 
"Where did you get those?" I almost scream. That's my book of cookies!
"Weird, I was looking for Espom Salt and they fell out of the cabinet!" My Son says.
"What?" Foiled again, better planning on my part!

And finally the last spot, something they'll never touch!

The Lemonades are MINE! I can leave them in there and have the fuel needed for this dreaded chore.

They're walking through the house saying, "I smell sugar. Mom are you sure there isn't sugar in the house?"

The next day the box of Lemonades is gone and the washer full of wet "footed" clothes!

Wow, those 6 boxes of cookies sure did to fast.

I'm glad they're gone.

"Hello?"
"Yeah, it's me again."
"You ate all of those! You promised you weren't addicted!"
"It's not for me, it's for a gift basket for the kids school."
"Bullshit."


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