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Tuesday, April 4, 2017

WTF - How do I have two teenagers?

Today is the birthday of my youngest, he turns 13! Now all of a sudden my house consists of two teenagers.

How did I get here? Just yesterday I was cleaning shit out of a diaper and now I have to deal with hormones?

Luckily the day my son turns 13, I was carded at the grocery store for my box of wine.


I'm buying a box with a teenager standing next to me, and you card me?

Don't you see what the wine if for----he's right there!

Honestly, I did thank the cashier, my son dashing my good mood saying, "It says they have to card anyone looking younger than 35."

35, hmmmm, well OK, I'll take that one.  35 sounds about right.

So I thought I would read up on advice - you know how to deal with a teenager, wait, two teenagers!

So I Google searched articles on teenagers and one site listed over 100 on one page! Are teenagers really that difficult? I mean, I'm used to the eye rolling, the heavy sighs, the arguing.

Am I missing something?

I read on and found a great article on teenagers here and thought I would share their advice:

Educate Yourself
Buy all the Judy Blume books including "Are you there God, it's me Margaret?" and of course the wonderful education book "Forever."  
If you have boys, have someone buy you a bunch of books then use them as door stops to your bedroom.

Talk to your kids early about changes in their body, sure, this always goes over well.
"Honey are you noticing any changes in your body?"
"Yeah Mom, my farts are really stinky."

Put yourself in your child's place - 
I'm going to go trash my room, put all the dirty dishes under the bed AND, AND raid their drawers for clothes!  I'm actually liking this idea. I survived all the awkwardness of my teenage years and have no desire, I repeat, no desire to go back!

Pick your battles - 
Shorts to school when it is 16 degrees outside OR using my razor! Which would you choose?
Sugary cereal or talking about the birds and bees?

Set your expectations - 
"Honey, I expect good behavior around your brother."
"But he sits on me and farts."
"Well, just don't kill each other, I'm pouring a glass of wine"

Respect privacy
With his room, there's no way I'm going in there, so yes, I'll respect his privacy. Look, I'm already winning!

Monitor what kids see and read
I'm lucky both boys hate to read, so there's nothing to monitor.
And on the movie front, I'm right there with them when Nacho Libre comes on!

The article ended with "Will this ever be over?"
I'm sure this time will be exciting along with adding quite a few more grey hairs but the over means him empty nesting so maybe I'll just let it hang for a little while.

I mean those boxes of wine, I buy them because of my kids but,

They make me look young, right?

At least under 35?

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