WTF - Cold Weather Driving

Plan A or B for That Trip

Traveling to ski resorts takes some planning. From getting your equipment together to getting the family in the car on time to get to the slopes on time. I always start my winter season with planning on Plan B, C, or D when it means traveling to the slopes. That means putting together my winter kit for my car.

What is a winter kit? It is a kit for the trunk of your car for winter travel. We all know that driving the roads of ski resorts can be tricky during winter weather and have read news about road closures due to accidents. Keep a few things in your car in case you could get stuck on your way to a ski resort or the time to travel is much longer than expected.

I buy a grocery store cooler type bag for my kit. This is a square bag with a silver lining designed for summer keeping perishables from spoiling. The cooler type bag will keep things dry and separated from the other items of your trunk.

In my box, I keep:

First Aid Kit

Several blankets, if you get stuck and there are several people in the car you may want to conserve gas by turning the car off at times. This provides warmth for each person in the car.

Hand Warmers - there is nothing more comforting than a nice pair of hand warmers.

Several pairs of hats and gloves - you will thank me when changing a tire on a frozen day.

Bottles of water - even if they get frozen, keep several in your car. A car once went off the road during winter and no one saw it down the embankment until a day later. Luckily she had bottles of water!

Granola bars - keep them in a plastic bag so the bears do not smell them during their fall foraging trips. 

Flashlights and extra batteries

Battery Powered Radio

Kitty Litter - I buy the 5 lb bucket. This is perfect if you get stuck, the litter providing traction. The bucket also adds extra weight for travel.

Booster Cables and Flares

Matches and Small Candles

A Fully Charged portable battery for cell phones

A lot of people keep a 2x4 in the trunk of the car for protection if needed but it also becomes a great accessory if a car gets stuck in the snow or mud. Tie the 2x4 to the tire, it will give the tire added traction.

Finally always fill the gas tank prior to climbing a mountain! In my book Views From 5506, I never go up the mountain without at least a 3/4 tank during winter. My son learned it the hard way. He ran out of gas, a local stopped and asked if they were alright. He said he ran out of gas, the guy laughed, called them rookies and left them to figure it out. Lesson learned.

Of course, if you don’t feel like doing all the work, there’s plenty of emergency survival kids available through amazon.com and other outlets. A quick Google search will show many results.

I know this sounds like a lot. But once you move from moderate temperatures to where temperatures can turn extreme it is always a good idea to be over prepared! Keep this kit in the garage and put it in your car for your trips up to the slopes, or simply keep it in there for the winter season. Once summer rolls along, I usually pair it down with summer necessities or switch it out for my summer kit.

Don’t get caught wishing you had a Plan B when Plan A on the road doesn’t work out.

WTF - SLOW DOWN!

As all know, it is the week of 4th of July, and that means lots of tourist up in our community! Summer season is in high gear and Since I just got my car back from the body shop, (not my fault this time, thank God!)  I thought I would share safe driving tips for Beech Mountain!

Every corner is a blind spot, you cannot see deer, bicyclist, lady walking her dog in a stroller, or even the errant skunk around those corners. I've told my son to stick to the main roads during tourist season and take the back roads if needed.

Tailgating can be hazardous to your health as most tourists will stop on a dime if they spot a baby deer or bear having a buffet with some restaurant's trash.

High beams help with night driving, but make sure you turn them off on the turns of Beech Mountain or at the approach of any car, this can be blinding to other drivers.

Remember everyone else is driving distracted. Momma is putting on her makeup while Dad is pointing out the deer to brother and sister fighting in the back seat. Dad throws on the brakes not to look at the deer but to turn around and slap anyone in the back seat. Keep your wits about you and your cellphone in the back seat.

Everyone up here assume the yellow lines in the road are a suggestion because we have narrow roads. If you are going around a corner stick to your side of the road, otherwise do whatever you want. This is how my car got hit, going around a corner and the dude was in the middle of the road on the other side. 

Going up the mountain doesn't mean 2 MPH, going down put your car in manual gear and use a lower gear for braking rather than your brakes. Your brakes will thank you and all the people behind you smelling burning brakes will also.

It is not necessary to use your turn signal on every switch back on the mountain, we are following you, we know where you are going.

Stop signs up here are not suggestions. Usually there is some type of blind spot. If there is, inch a little out and if someone from FLA is there, you'll hear them. (They love their horns)

How to be a courteous driver on Beech Mountain:

There is no leash law on Beech Mountain, that does not mean the dogs are homeless. Some dogs like to roam a little before traveling back home. If you are unsure about a found dog take it over to the police department. Do not take the dog back with you to Miami then call the owner. (Yes, this actually happened. My dog ended up in Banner Elk)

If you are on a gravel road and someone is walking, slow down so you don't kick up as much dust. Our wonderful mail men, stop until you pass by keeping down the dust inhalation.

Stick with the speed limit and limit Tokyo Drifting around the corners. Along with the possibility of running off the road because the opposite driver was in the middle of the road around a corner.

Just because it is summer, that doesn't mean you let your gas tank run low. There are no gas stations on Beech Mountain, and hoping you can drift down the mountain for gas seldom works.

If someone is waving to you as you drive a back road, they are not saying hello. They are showing you they are there. Or, they are asking you to slow down for a deer, dog or skunk about to spray. I had someone waving to me on one back road, I stopped and said, "Are you all right?"

"SLOW DOWN!" They yelled back.

If you are a visitor and traveling off the mountain, and a car with a NC plate comes up behind you hot, this is usually a local trying to get kids to school, off to job, or off to the hospital. If you want to take your time and not have them breathing down your throat, move to the side on a switch back. If they are not yelling at their children, they'll probably hang out the window and yell THANKS!

Some people like to walk their dogs with their car.  No kidding, I've seen a dog run past my house on the road with the owner following behind in the car. 

Better yet, park the car in the driveway and simply relax and enjoy the beauty that is Beech Mountain. Or as most of our tourists yell, "SLOW DOWN!"

WTF - Beech Mountain, You're Where?

Living on a mountaintop we have several sayings unique to the place we live, each with their own explanation and how to use them in context.

Today's lesson is about location, location, location......

I called a friend to pick something up.

"Hey, can I come by to pick up that nose hair trimmer you borrowed?" (this is fiction folks)

"Sorry," she says, "I'm already off the mountain."

People who don't live on a mountaintop translate this phrase to, "I've taken the horses, fed them, gathered what little belongings I have, packed them up, added a few provisions and made my way through the depths of hell off the mountain." They think Donner Family and everything that goes with it.

Visitors to our beautiful mountain community, understand this phrase to mean, "I've made the drive off the mountain, brakes smoking. I must let my poor little car rest for a few hours at the winery before I blow the engine taking my sweet old time up the mountain again." or, "I'm lost somewhere in the High Country, please help me."

But to me, I totally understand what she means, this is what I hear, "I'm off the mountain after not leaving the mountain for the past few days. I'm here provisioning up, planning on not leaving the mountain again for a few more days. So, I'm not coming back up until I have everything I need and don't have to go back down again."

When someone is "Off the mountain" that means they will not make that quick trip back up (Sure it's under 3 miles but UP) for any reason. Happy Hour is a maybe, but everything else is a definite no. The halfway point for me is the first S turn down, that's the line I draw. "I'm sorry you forgot your phone but we are already off the mountain."

Living up here I totally understand what she means, I reply, "Oh, don't come back up the mountain for me, I'll just get it later. Plus the nose hair is keeping me warm during this spring snow."

We mountain top dwellers take our "going off the mountain" seriously. Each time you head down to the lowlands, you're sacrificing brakes, your ears are popping and god forbid you have nose congestion. Reasons for leaving the mountain have to be serious. Plus we love it up here and don't want to leave!

I've always told my children, "If you're at a friend's house in the lowlands, only call me when I have to take you to the Emergency Room, I'm not bringing your computer to you." or, "Everyone swims in their underwear, yours looks like a bathing suit anyway. You'll be fine." (Translation, No, I'm not coming up the mountain to take you to get your bathing suit, I'm already OFF the mountain.)

Being in a beautiful place makes you not want to leave, why go "off the mountain" when you have wide open views, cooler air and of course friends who "hunker down" with you sharing that last bit of wine when nobody wants to go "off the mountain."

What does it take for you to come back UP the mountain when you are already OFF the mountain?

WTF - Driver's License Edition

How in the world did I end up here, scouring the Watauga County Alerts and Updates Facebook page from 730a to 830am?

But wait, let me back up a bit.

Yesterday we graduated from the permit to the license. And just like most things it wasn't easy.

Wolfgang, first thing in the morning, says "Do we have everything to get my license?"

Me, "License? What? You're 16? Where did the time go?"

So I go online figuring out what we need.

Birth certificate - check
Social Security Card - check

Driver's Log - what?

"Teen must have a drivers log of over 60 hours of driving time documented, 10 of which hours must be at night."

Shit.

I ask other parents, "Did you need the log?"

One mother responds, "Yes, I created an Excel spreadsheet for my cherub complete with time and distance for my cherub. That way we could add up the time and see the distance she drove."

Are you kidding me?

I ask another mother, she responds, "Didn't you use the App?"

App? There's a teen supervising driving log app? What will they think of next? A Mom yelling at supervised teen driving app?

Time to create a fake drivers log. I mean really? He's had a permit for a year, he's gotten the 60 hours in, why do I have to document it. But document it I do.

I use different pens.
Different handwriting
spill coffee on the paper (that I didn't do on purpose but it definitely made it look authentic)
Then crumpled the paper up.

Show up at the DMV - check. We're using a friend's car because Wolf is worried he'd fail using the stick shift on the Mini.

Do I have proof Wolf is on my insurance?

What?

I'm on the phone with the insurance company while they fill out the paper and they fax over the proof - check.

I take a picture of them walking out for the test and before I could even post it. I see they're walking back in.

Shit.  I bet he forgot to put on his seat belt.

My heart sinks.

"You have a tail light out," The instructor says, "Go over to Advanced Auto Parts and come back."

Shit.

We drive over to Advanced Auto parts and the first thing he asked, "What's the make and model of car?"

Shit. I don't know. (the guy looks at me strange, like "You don't know the make and model of your car?")

I go out, grab the manual and present it.  03 Subaru - check.

He hands me the light bulbs, a pair of gloves "You have to wear these putting it in otherwise the light will not work." Next he gives me a socket wrench.

Wait, what? Putting it in? What does that mean?

Wolf and I go out, he's looking like a doctor with the rubber gloves on, I'm YouTubing how to change a lightbulb in an 03 Subaru.

Two new lightbulbs in the car - check.

We go back and the man is nice enough to take Wolf first (we do have a really nice DMV it is


not as depressing as most I've been in)

This time I don't look as they walk out, hoping it's good luck.

It is! He comes back with a big smile on his face and the instructor gives me a thumbs up!

New Teenage Driver - check

Case of wine - check.

WTF - But Officer!

We all know those drivers.

I'm talking about those drivers.

Not us.

Those drivers.

You're taking that leisurely drive home from the bar, the restaurant, the PTA meeting, the adult bookstore and there they are:

Sitting on your ass. Riding so close you feel like you should smoke a cigarette with them.

You check your speed, are you going to slow? No, you are the required 7 miles over the speed limit.

What the hell?

So what do you do? Pull over and let them by? That's what you should do, right?

Hell No, you slow down, of course. Don't hit the brakes yet, just slow down enough to really piss the jackass off.

So you drive a little slow, give them the stink eye in your rear view mirror (which they cannot see)  until you're tired of driving slow, right?

Then you decide you'll pull over, letting the jackass ahead of you and be done with it, right?

Right.

Pull over, give them the stink eye as they pass then let things go.

No, you decide you should now ride their ass. Let them feel your breath down their throat.

Until the cop lights come on behind you.

"Do you know why you were pulled over?"

"Was I speeding?"

"No, you were tailgating."

"What!?! Wait a minute! That jackass was tailgating me!" You point to the car fading into the distance.

"You are the only one I saw tailgating." (Showing him my Snapchat of jackass tailgater is out of the question, right?)

"Seriously, that black car up there with the Salt Life sticker rode my butt all the way down 105!"

"Now let's not get excited here, Just calm down."

Yelling at a cop, not the smartest decision here.

He walks back to his car, I'm waiting, I'm thinking if I ever see that damn black SUV with the Salt Life sticker on the back, I'm gonna have a word with them. Then I'm wondering what a "following too closely" ticket costs.

He comes back, "Everything checks out. Just don't tailgate, OK? Have a good night."

"Thank you officer."

So what lessons about human nature did we learn here? Don't tailgate? OK. Mentioning the term Jackass in front of a policeman is probably not a good idea? You got it.

Of course the most important one,

Always say thank you!

WTF - I'm Lost

Before the days of smart phones, I couldn't find my way out of a paper bag and now with my smart phone, I'm still trying to find my way out of a paper bag.

I'm cueing in a trip taking the boys to Liberty Snowflex Center in Lynchburg, VA. I change the voice of Siri to a very stunning Australian man named Rolf, making the drive a little bit better.

Rolf: "Your trip time is 4 hours and 22 minutes."

The kids scramble on our home wifi trying to download enough movies to cover 4 hours and 22minutes.

Our trip starts out pleasant enough, typical about 10 minutes 32 seconds into it someone is hungry.

"I'm hungry."

"Are you kidding me? We just left?"

"Can we get Chick Fil A?"

"Honey we are out in the middle of nowhere, there isn't a Chick Fil A."

I hear him on his phone in the backseat, "Find the nearest Chick Fil A."

After about an hour, or so into the trip Rolf reminds me:

"Your travel time is 3 hours and 54 minutes."

What? We've already been driving an hour and had only one bathroom break. I'm calculating the arrival time thinking, "Either we were in the bathroom way too long or I must have made a wrong turn."

This is where Rolf pisses me off. If I make a wrong turn, then he'll just instantly recalculate me to my destination even if it is an hour out of the way. He needs to yell, "Hey dumbass you missed that right turn I TOLD YOU ABOUT and are going the WRONG WAY!"

Once I missed a turn driving in MD and Rolf navigated me to the Chesapeake River saying, "Take the ferry."  What? Take F*cking Ferry where? It was a beautiful ride down the Chesapeake then an equally beautiful drive through farm land but cost me 2 hours.

Back to Rolf and Snowflex, I'm thinking, "They'll still have plenty of time on the fake snow if we get there at 7 rather than 5, right?"

Another 30 minutes later Rolf asks, "There is a faster route saving 1 hour and 4 minutes, reroute?"

"Yeah, ya dumb ass!"

He takes me off the highway and we parallel the highway for 6 miles then get back on the highway. What the hell was that? I'm beginning to think Rolf has lost his mind.

Further down the highway, Rolf tells me, "Take exit 150A, then mispronounces some town names and Route numbers. I'm desperately trying to keep up with exit numbers because if I miss it, I'll add another 3 hours to the trip! Of course the signs say, "Lynchburg, the next 7 exits."

Holding my breath I have everyone looking for Exit 150A, all the kids screaming, "THERE IT IS" as I two wheel it, cutting off three cars but exit safely.

Rolf says, "Take the right on state road 8797453."

I'm looking for this, trying to look at the map and of course, miss it. I need Rolf to yell,

"You missed the turn, dumbass!" Not "rerouting....."

We make it to SnowFlex at 6 not because of Rolf but because of a child......

"Hey, my phone says there's a Chick Fil A 20 minutes from here."

It took me 25 minutes to get back on track because I was busy arguing with Rolf. He took me several back roads from Chick Fil A to State Road 8797453 including one under construction.  "Dammit Rolf, didn't you see the construction, we've been waiting here for 20 minutes!"

"Rerouting......"

I'm going to go find my paper bag and maybe Rolf needs me to stop and ask for directions.

WTF - Twelve Days of Christmas

On the First Day of Christmas my teenager gave to me
A Learner's Permit from the DMV

On the second day of Christmas my teenager gave to me
two heart attacks
and a Lerner's Permit from the DMV

On the third day of Christmas my teenager gave to me
three stall outs
two heart attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV

On the fourth day of Christmas ,my teenager gave to me
Four squealing tires
three stall outs
two heart attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV

On the fifth day of Christmas my teenager gave to me
Five CLOSE CALLS!
Four squealing tires
three stall outs
two heart attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV

On the sixth day of Christmas my teenager gave to me
Six wrong ways!
5 CLOSE CALLS
4 Squealing tires
3 stall outs
2 Heart Attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV!

On the Seventh day of Christmas I got from m
7 forgotten seat belts
6 wrongs ways
5 CLOSE CALLS
4 Squealing tires
3 stall outs
2 Heart Attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV!

On the Eighth day of Christmas I got from my Teenager,
8 yells for speeding
7 forgotten seat belts
6 wrongs ways
5 CLOSE CALLS
4 Squealing tires
3 stall outs
2 Heart Attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV!

On the Ninth Day of Christmas I got from my Teenager
9 blind spots missed
8 yells for speeding
7 forgotten seat belts
6 wrongs ways
5 CLOSE CALLS
4 Squealing tires
3 stall outs
2 Heart Attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV!

On the Tenth Day of Christmas my teenager gave to me
10 curbs jumped
9 blind spots missed
8 yells for speeding
7 forgotten seat belts
6 wrongs ways
5 CLOSE CALLS
4 Squealing tires
3 stall outs
2 Heart Attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV!

On the Eleventh Day of the Christmas my teenager gave to me
11 missed turn signals
10 curbs jumped
9 blind spots missed
8 yells for speeding
7 forgotten seat belts
6 wrongs ways
5 CLOSE CALLS
4 Squealing tires
3 stall outs
2 Heart Attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV!

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my teenager gave to me
12 grey hairs
11 missed turn signals
10 curbs jumped
9 blind spots missed
8 yells for speeding
7 forgotten seat belts
6 wrongs ways
5 CLOSE CALLS
4 Squealing tires
3 stall outs
2 Heart Attacks
and a Learner's Permit from the DMV!