That Grey Area- New synapses

Where to do you start?

So many words define people. And none of this makes my happy.

I'll use my words.

Wife, mother, friend, confidant, yogi, hiker.

Not what you are looking for? Well, me neither.

Because a lot of those words were taken away from me. And I'm taking them back.

I may not identify with them right now, but I will.

How do you go from 35 years to nothing. To people looking at you with pity on their face? What word did you lose? All of them, a few of them? 

So stop now if you are political, this is not political. Nothing to do with you. For once in my life this is about me, not about you.

I lost a few pronouns recently. Wife was the big one. This made me realize how much people are defined about who they are, what they are, what they are supposed to be. Just words. When you feel that part of yourself fall away it not just changes who you are but it changes how you interact. 

I am back to being a woman, single. Keep laughing, I know. At my age this is unbelievable. 

So here I am thinking:

What in the hell am I doing?

Do those hair loss things really work?

Maybe pot gummies really work?

Which dating website actually works?

Everytime I try to get on the dating websites I chicken out. Everyone is like, "Like the picture of your dog, but what about you?" Ugh. 

I want to just hide for a while and not have to deal with this, but I need new pronouns. Single/Singlelet? On the prowl/out for options? 

Then I remember my grandmother, "Get your shit together," a better pronoun than all the ones above. Get my shit together and start finding new ways to define myself than the basic stuff.

New pronouns:

Badass

Wonder Woman

Together

Warrior.

It's all in how you define yourself.

Love and Romance in the time of CORONA

It was their first date. They sat at the table half inside the restaurant, half outside, inside a plastic bubble. The large plastic barrier sat between them. Tara thought Daniel was cute, what she could see behind the mask and plastic shield. She worried that the plastic face shield made her look fat.

The waitress came over in her Hazmat suit, a whiteboard in hand.

Can I take your drink order? She wrote.

Daniel looked to Tara, "Would you like a beer?"

"I'm 22 years," Tara replied.

"Beer?" He gestured like he was drinking, "Wine?"

The waitress wrote Would you like a beer or wine he said, then showed Tara the clipboard.

"Oh! Beer is fine," she shouted back.

"Me too. Sam Adams," Daniel said.

"What?"

He wrote Sam Adams on his whiteboard. The waitress nodded and went away.

Daniel turned to Tara, "I'm glad you came," he shouted.

"Me too," she yelled back.

The waitress came back with long metal rods with clamps on the end a beer on each one. She stepped back and put one in front of Daniel and one in front of Tara. Can I take your order she wrote on the whiteboard?

Daniel started, "She will have."

She gestured wildly with the whiteboard, "You can only order for yourself. We cannot let diners talk too much it could aid in transmission of the disease. You better hurry and order dinner ends in 30 minutes. She wrote sloppily.

Daniel said, "What? It's only 530?"

The waitress adjusted her plastic shield, "Curfew starts at 6." She wrote.

He looked at the menu, "I'll have the burger."

Tara said quickly, "I'll have the salad."

"I'm sorry, we are not serving greens tonight. The newest study said that if we carry greens the virus could be in the water droplets." The waitress wrote.

Tara frowned, "Then I'll take a burger also."

They took their beers and toasted in between the plastic between them. "So what do you do?"

"Do I have the flu?" Several patrons at the restaurant looked their way in terror. Daniel looked around, held his hands up, "NO! NO! I don't have the flu!" He looked over Tara, "What?"

"Work? Do you work?"

"OH, yeah. I sell cars."

"You're from Mars?" 

"Cars! Vroom! Vroom!" Daniel replied as he sighed.

The waitress came over with take out bags and put them on the table. Tara and Daniel looked at them confused.

"A customer tested with a temperature and they were inside the front door, so we have to close and sanitize," she slapped the check on the table and put a piece of plastic over it. "You can pay online when you get home."

The plastic between Tara and Daniel slowly went up as a voice came over the loud speaker, "MASK UP!"

They put their masks on, lowered the plastic over their face and picked up the take out. Daniel took a picture of the check with his phone and left it on the table.

There was a mad rush out of the restaurant, Tara got pushed into Daniel and blushed at the contact but he couldn't see it under the plastic. They walked back over to her car six feet apart not touching each other.

Finally, at her car, she turned to him, "I had a really good time."

"No, I don't have a dime."

"Time," she pointed to her wrist, "Time."

"Oh, can I Zoom you so we can finish our date together," Daniel asked?

"Yes, I would like that," she screamed.

They leaned in close and kissed mask to mask, plastic to plastic.

"I'll Zoom in fifteen minutes," he said and turned and walked down the street.

WTF - God Winks

It is such a special place when one of  your loved ones gives you a little "God wink" when they have passed on.

It is those subtle reminders that you are loved, that you are thought of, that you are still waiting until it's your time to give those "god winks."

Most of the one's from my parents are funny. A "How sweet it is," from some random person that has you smile. Or when you say, "how sweet it is" when you get that random parking space right in front at the ski resort.

I've had rings fall out of my jewelry box, my Dad's rings. I've laughed when the hotel my Mom and I stayed at in Myrtle Beach shows up as a sponsored add, begging me to book a weekend! I remember telling Mom, "We're just walking in here to use the bathroom, act like you own the place!"

She fell into the door walking in, fell out of the door walking out but we still had a spot to pee.

Then I'm dusting things and a vase falls over with a bunch of Irish money in it. My memory is clear. My Mom at the grocery store trying to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey. (Go figure - you can do this in West Virginia Slainte!) When presented with the total, she pulled out a big purse of coins and dumped them all over the counter. My sweet husband died a thousand deaths as the line formed behind her while she asked, "Now what is this one? And what is it worth?"

She finally paid for the whiskey (we needed some by then) and asked for a bag to put it in. "Oh Lord," the lady said, "That's another 10 pence."  They both sighed as my mother dumped the bag of coins on the counter yet again. My sweet hubby walked out of the grocery store.

So these little reminders are joyful, they are still here, they still see us. I got up this morning and asked Amazon Alex to play music. For some strange reason she (because she is now part of the family and actually argues with me) decided to play a big band playlist. Well that's different. I thought then the first song was Glenn Miller and In The Mood.

Best memory every of Father/Daughter dances and the song that will never end. Each year either me or one of my girlfriends would have to dance with my dad to this song. Just when you thought it was done, it would start all over again. Such great memories. Oh and by the way for all you political correctofobes, they actually served pitches of beer at the Daddy/Daughter dance and my dad COULD DANCE!

I'm at Goodwill and nestled in the albums left behind is several of the Mario Lanza collection. We drove to the Army Navy game and the only tape available in the car was Mario Lanza! We ended up at a bar my father left over 30 years ago. He walks in and says, "Damn, I left this bar 30 years ago and Sullivan was sitting there at the end. I come back 30 years and there he is in the same seat. I guess alcohol is a preservative!"

Two songs later as we get ready for school, the song So Rare comes on from Jimmy Dorsey. This is my father in law's song, the one he always talked about. It didn't matter (did it) that it was a stripper song from the long ago Baltimore Block/ Blaze Starr days? The highlight of a city that created those stories that still roam around. Burley Q is an amazing book about these days, the movie is amazing.

Every time the Melang family would get together, we'd always play this song. Every time my immediate family would get together we'd play In The Mood, Mario Lanza or just for fun Mother Macrae. (I'll never forget my father looking at me and saying, "I've never sung this song sober?" at my Great Aunt's Funeral)

So look around daily and I'll bet your see those God Winks, those little reminders that they are OK and don't fret about them. Just raise a toast and sing that song and figure out the one's your going to wink with when you're in heaven singing the old tunes.

What are your little God Winks? You know they are there!

WTF - That Perfect Ski Day

Many consider themselves “snow chasers” spending the winter season in search of the “perfect snow day.” Living in the High Country of North Carolina, I can guarantee that every day here is a perfect ski day.

There are still many that live in our great state that doesn’t realize you can ski in North Carolina, that there are seven ski resorts in the state. That’s not including the tubing resort of Hawksnest that was once a ski resort.

So what constitutes the perfect ski day? Any day on the snow!

You can’t wait for the perfect ski day, you get out there and ski. I have friends that tell me, “I only ski out West.” My answer to them is, “Oh yeah, how many days did you ski this year?”

“4,” they reply.

“I skied 118,” I state. Are the days perfect? Yes! Because I am out on the snow!

“But you can’t ski out West,” they counter.

“Really? I skied another 10 in Utah and Colorado, and guess what, I kept up with the locals just fine. In fact, there were a few days that I was better. You know why? Because my perfect Southern Ski Days sometimes include powder, snow, granular snow, ice, mud, dirt, grass, rocks, and I made it through every single day. A 65-year ski patroller once told me that if you can ski in the South, then you can ski anywhere. I believe that statement!”

But some days can be better than others, truthfully. In Randy Johnson’s new book Southern Snow, he puts together those days that us snow chasers love, the best-kept secret of the Southern Skiing. A storm rolls through the High Country, which starts with rain. Everyone else sees rain, but we watch closely at the temperature after the storm moves through the High Country. If there is a drop in temperature, then the storm will likely end with snow. So while it’s raining, we’re waving and tuning and hit the slopes while everyone else stays home and complains. The perfect ski day!

My perfect day is as close to the first chair as possible. We have an ongoing battle for first chair amongst my friends. The rush to the lift resembles a Who Concert! First thing in the morning means you get the best snow. Freshly groomed, untouched and super fast. We find that weekends are great from 9-11 or so when it gets a little crowded. We then retire to our favorite Mountain Momma’s slope-side house to watch the “flying squirrels” dive down the mountain. What’s a flying squirrel? Usually, someone from Florida, on rental skis, with their jacket unzipped, flying straight down the slope. The unzipped jacket makes them look like a flying squirrel! Most of the crashes at the bottom are harmless but fun to watch!

So get out your board, or your planks, and plan a trip to some Southern Snow. Pad in those perfect days, and include that trip out west, get the best of both worlds!

A side note to those visiting, how to get your perfect snow day. Plan ahead!

If you are driving, rent your equipment ahead of time. There are local ski/board shops that rent equipment, along with several along the way. If you are renting at the resort, arrive early!!  AND I MEAN EARLY!

Ticket windows open at 830am for 9 am lift start. Get to the resort at 8 am and save yourself waiting forever like the people that get here at 9 am. If you are renting equipment, you have to have a lift ticket before rentals. Put one person in the rental line and one person in the lift line. 

How do adults have fun on the snow with little children? All-day Ski/Board School. Snow School is one of the best deals of the High Country. For one set price, you get all-day lessons 830a-400p lunch, helmet, slope pass, instruction, skills assessment, and rentals included. Children are in age-appropriate groups and spent time on the snow in small doses along with playing with friends in the Snow School. Snow School makes the first experience FUN! 

Beech Mountain Resort :

SnowCamp 3-6 years $135/weekday and $150/Weekend

SnowTraxx 6-14 years $100/weekend and $120/Weekends

Burton Learn to Ride 6-18 years $135/weekdays $150/weekends

Or course there is Snowflakes Childcare in the village.

The best part of these packages is the children let out at 4 pm. They can then show you their skills from 4-430p on the slopes!

They do sell these packages online, but they sell out very quickly. 

WTF - Cold vs. Cute

There's a light dusting of snow on the ground here on Beech Mountain. I'm sitting in front of the fire dressed for warmth.

We have a saying in the Melang house, "There's no such thing as being cold, just inappropriate clothing."

On Beech, we have a culture ware when it comes to the tourists visiting our mountain for the winter. There is a definite difference between being warm and being cute.

Being warm means you don't worry about hat head because you'd rather wear a hat.

The tight underlayer could show your "I've had two children" belly but it doesn't matter when that wind whips you don't feel it.

Your pants do make your ass look big because there's long underwear underneath them and a few pairs of snow socks.

No one can recognize you because everything is covered. I like to call this with my husband, the slow tease of taking it all off when we are home for the night. Usually, he's asleep by the time I get down to my long underwear.

Being Cute:

Walking through the resort in high heels. Sounds easy right? No, there's ice and snow on the ground plus all the gravel you pick your way through. 

Short shirts - have you ever had the wind whip up the skirt on a cold winter night? Especially if you are one of those free the asset types? 

Tank tops - tank tops are the perfect underlayer but when that's all you got, I'm thinking you're planning on showing off those puppies barking all night long.

I watched a poor woman tourist (from Florida) walking behind her boyfriend/Husband in that short skirt with the thigh-high boots that included a high heel. She had her hair perfectly done, makeup on and a short little tiger print puffy vest with a tight shirt and camisole.

What I actually saw was a poor woman who'd upper thighs were bright red from the cold. Her perfect hair was covered in snowflakes and when she tried to fix it in the restaurant it plastered to her head like a drowned rat. The short puffy vest didn't have pockets so her hands were between her bright red thighs for warmth. One spiked heel of her boot had scratches all over it from the gravel. BUT....her makeup was still perfect.

Just remember that on Beech Mountain we prefer warmth over cute, we prefer logic over hormones, we prefer moisture wicking over clinging. Come to our parties dressed for warmth and you'll have better luck with the guys as they don't see you as some crazy lady out in a short skirt is 12 degrees with a wind chill of 4 degrees.

Or do what all the locals do - a combination of warmth and cute. Walk up to the concert looking like the StayPuff Marshmallow Man in your down puffy onesie with snow boots and a hood that covers your beautiful hair but doesn't flatten it like a hat. Get inside and ditch the onesie to show off the shirt and top, change out of your moon boots to your spiked heels and dance the night away.

What's your preference?

Cute or Warm?

WTF - Town Council

Who in any earthly idea decided to run for town council? Me, that is! What was I thinking? I announced my run in July and I can't even tell you the number of text messages, phone calls, and emails. But since I love this town I'm doing this and getting ready for my "Meet the Candidates" meeting tomorrow night.

I thought I'd throw a few things out there for you. If I become a Council member, I promise you this:

I'm not changing who I am, you'll still see my same Facebook, Twitter and Instagram Feed. I'm not sharing my Snapchat because I share that one with my boys.

If you see me and run, give me some space. I may have just finished a yoga class and need just a few more minutes of zen.

I thought I'd share some of my favorite politics quotes! Here ya go"

And the most important lesson of all?

Wish me luck on tomorrow's night Meet the Candidates, may I do my community proud!

WTF - Laundry List

My college freshman called and said he missed me and wanted to come home for a night. I understood the translation, "I have a boatload of laundry to do."

He came home proudly telling me he even was washing his sheets! (He's been in the dorm three, three weeks - Ewwww)

The next day when I go to take a shower, I wonder where all my towels went? Ah, yes he washed his sheets but left me the dirty towels and grabbed some clean ones.

With one still at home, I figured we had to go down my laundry list:

If you don't want it ruined, empty your pockets. Especially Lip Balm that melts in the dryer and you can't get the stains out of your clothes. If it does get ruined there is no complaining to the management. You snuck those pants into my hamper.

But you can leave money in your pockets. I love freshly laundered money.

Clothes around the hamper do not get washed, clothes in the hamper do.

If you tried it on and didn't want to wear it, it's still clean. Don't throw it on the floor for the dog to pee on.

You can reuse a towel if hung up properly. Don't shove it in a big ball on the towel rack. Remember this isn't a hotel. We can use towels more than once. And the argument that it touched your private parts isn't working. They were clean when it touched them.

If it goes into the wash inside out, it gets folded inside out. You can guess what's on that T-shirt.

Keep your socks together. I got overwhelmed by single socks to the point I just took a trash bag of single socks and gave it to Goodwill, let them deal with it.

You can wear your Jeans more than once. We don't work on a farm. Your father puts his jeans in the freezer to clean them. I'm guilty of washing mine.

Finally, you can use a computer, definitely use an iPhone. I'm sure you can figure out the washer and dryer.

Who used up all my laundry detergent?

WTF - How Strong Is Your Back?

I know children can be pains in the neck, but they are also pain in the back from bending over picking up all the different items on the floor. When my son was little, I always lost burp towels to the floor, dropped pacifiers. Of course his being the first child, everything carefully sanitized before dropped to the floor again. He laughed in his high chair, throwing food and watching the dog get to it before I could pick it up. The dog ate well.

We moved from the baby things to cussing every time I stepped on a Lego. I picked up Legos, Transformers, puzzle pieces, books, and the wayward piece of food the dog missed. We also spent a lot of time on the floor, playing games, reading those books, chasing each other. Once he was in bed, I spent the next hour picking up and putting away from the floor except for that Lego at 2 a.m.

When the toys started moving out of the house, the floor became covered in video games.  LeapFrog and math games came first, moving to the Nintendo DS and all the little game cards lost around the house. I'm still finding Nintendo cards to this day. They replaced these with Wii controllers until they moved on to the Xbox. I picked these up from the floor after chasing all the dead batteries rolling around the floor to disappear underneath the couch.

As the video games increased, so did the bowls and cups. I used to say going downstairs in my house is like going into Target. You say you're just taking a look and come back upstairs with a dish set, all your spoons, four towels, and a case of cups.

Then we move to the clothes on the floor. As Moms, we start picking them up, trying to stem the tide until frustration makes us close the door with a sigh. When they start borrowing some of yours or your hubby's clothes, it's time to put on your gas mask and look for them in their room. Murphy's Law most are way underneath the bed with the moldy food.

Then life comes at you fast.

You find their learners permit on the floor, put it on their dresser.
The driver's license then is on the floorboard of the car.
The college applications sit on the floor until you make them fill them out.
The welcome brochure from the school of choice sits on the couch.
Finding the cap and gown under the bed and picking it up and hanging it in the closet.
Picking up boxes of stuff and moving them out to the car.
Bending over placing the fan, so it faces the dorm room bed.

All this working out over 18 years, I think helped me bend over to pick up my heart from the floor as I closed that dorm room door.

How secure is your back?

WTF - Polar Coaster?

As most of you know, the High Country of North Carolina has two main seasons - summer and ski season. Residents have an old wives tale that every morning fog is August means a winter snow event. Many will say that is hogwash, but there are quite a few of us that take this seriously. Those the most seriously are involved with snow sports.

Sitting here on this cold foggy morning, I couldn't help but rejoice. There are still a few days left in August, but my count right now is at 15! My little jar sits on the window sill with white and black beans in it. The white beans are very foggy mornings, which mean a more significant snow event. The black beans are just your average snow. My first year collecting beans, my husband threw them into the pot of cooking beans.

On top of that, Farmer's Almanac is predicting a cold and snowy winter for Western North Carolina, a polar coaster. The polar coaster means temperature swings of highs and lows that will resemble The Fury of Carowinds. 

The polar coaster will help Beech Mountain Resort during the cold swings, but all the new upgrades to snowmaking will give it all the help it needs after milder temperatures. Upgrading water lines means more territory open at the beginning of the season to supplementing current coverage after a string of warm temperatures. Last year we had 22 inches in one storm, it was all gone in two weeks! Here's where you can get your Farmer's Almanac https://www.farmersalmanac.com

Look also to the Wooly Worm Festival of Banner Elk for winter's forecast. A Wooly Worm or Wooly Bear is a black and brown caterpillar. During the Wooly Worm Festival, Wooly Worms race it out in heats all day Saturday, the winning caterpillar collecting 500 dollars and providing the winter forecast.  There are 13 segments on a Wooly Worm for13 weeks,  the brown segments mean warmer, the black more severe weather. For me, the perfect caterpillar would be all black!  Here is last year's winner named Montgomery County's Best. "black, black, black, flick, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, flick, flick, flick. Black: below average, snow/ Dark Brown: below average/ Light Brown: above-average/ Flick: black and brown, below average, frost or light snow. The average temperature is 27 degrees F." For more information on the festival visit http://www.woollyworm.com

So if you are collecting beans, let me know your tally. As the weather turns colder, be on the lookout for Wooly Worms and let them race. Last year even with strings of warm temperatures, I still skied 118 days. This year my goal is 121, one-third of the year. Time to get those skis out and start prepping for winter, only 11 weeks to go!

WTF - A Social Media Education by my Children

I think I have a different thought process when it comes to social media. My children decided to explain things to me.

"Mom, stop flexing on Instagram," They cry as I take a picture of the Southern Chicken Breakfast Bake Masterpiece and am ready to hit "post the picture."

"Why?" I ask pointing to the skillet on the stove, "LOOK AT THAT!"

"It's embarrassing," They reply.

So what do I do? I post a video to my STORY of them complaining about me over flexing then them cleaning their plate with my masterpiece. They say that's OK because it goes away.

Here's my education per my children:

Snapchat, you can send them pictures but don't post too much to your story. That's called flexing. My children suggest a picture every once in a while. "Oh and Mom, you may want to reply to Snapchats with just a picture of the top of your head." Me. "Why?" (thinking maybe my saggy neck is getting to them?) "That's what everyone else does."

Instagram - "Mom you flex too much." Me. "I put these pictures up because at the end of the year I can get a company to make a hardcover book out of my pictures! See? I'm not a scrap booker, I get someone to do it for me." Kids, "Just don't post any more animals on your walks to you story." Me. "Good compromise."

Facebook - Kids, "Only old people use Facebook." Me. "Good then you won't see me flexing on Facebook because I'm pretty damn funny."

Text Messages - "Who texts anymore?"

"Is that why you always ignore my texts? I see text messaging as saying something to someone and when they don't respond I go into insecure mode!"

Did they not like my text? Do they like me? Did I make them mad? Screw them. I'm never texting again.

Kids, "No why should we respond to everything?"

Me, "Just send me a smiley face or something to make me feel better."

Email - Kids, "What is that?"

Me. Heavy sigh.

Phone Calls - no one talks on the phone anymore. At least I am in agreement with that!

So I'm ahead of the game because I know I can flex on Snapchat and Instagram but behind the game when it comes to email and Facebook - so last year!

Now to get back on my computer and look up: Visco, WhatsApp, and Tinder.

Ha! No Hinge or Tinder for me. But I'm hip enough to know about it.

WTF - Happy Birthday America!

Today, on America's birthday, I put my new flag up proud to be an American. I am proud of this country. An experiment started by our founding fathers, flawed at times but always rising up to do the right thing.

To me the American flag, all of them, are proud symbols of our heritage. Each has its unique and true story as a testament to different parts of our history. There are several ways to understand the flags and their makers. In Philadelphia, the Betsy Ross house still stands where she made our original flag. I was taught in school to look at Betsy Ross as an American Icon, now I see her as one of the original


feminists. Defying the British and creating the symbol for our country. In May of 1776, she met with George Washington, Robert Morris and George Ross and accepted the commission to create the flag. She knew Washington from sewing ruffles and other items for his wardrobe. The flag was finished in June of 1776 ready for July 4th 1776.

In Baltimore, the Star Spangled Banner house is located, where Mary Pickersgill and her mother created the flag that flew over Ft. McHenry during the Battle of Baltimore in the War of 1812. The flag that inspired a young lawyer named Frances Scott Key to write the Star Spangled Banner as he was negotiating a prisoner exchange on a ship in the Inner Harbor. I used to go to the Star Spangled Banner house in downtown Baltimore on school field trips marveling how small the room was where she sewed the flag. Did you know there is a buoy in the Inner Harbor painted red, white and blue? That buoy is where Frances Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner as a prisoner on a ship watching the bombardment of Fort McHenry. That to me is cool, I remember sailing around that buoy several times when I lived in Baltimore.

In the Smithsonian collection at the National Museum of American History, the Star Spangled Banner is displayed. The size of this flag is immense, 30feet by 42feet! When Mary was commission by George Armistead, he wanted a flag so big that the British would have no difficulty seeing it from far. The boys and I went from the small house where Mary made it to looking at the massive flag and learning about all the hard work at preserving it. On the flag you can see where pieces were cut out for different people to keep as mementos including one of the fifteen stars. Some of the original needles are still in the fabric and the initials of Armistead are sewn proudly on the back. Watching workers in white suits meticulously cleaning the flag and preserving is also pretty cool. The history of what happened to the flag after flying over Ft. McHenry is depicted in black and white pictures with the story of Armistead keeping the flag as a triumphant memento of the war later gifting it to its permanent home at the Smithsonian in the American History Museum.  Displayed in a glass case for 50 years except for two times during WW2 the flag was further restored and is now displayed in a climate controlled permanent installation. It truly is a sight to see!

So I'm waving my flag proudly because America, like me, has things in our past that maybe we're not proud of but we always rise to do the right thing. God bless America and Happy Birthday!

WTF - Graduation Compartmentalizing

Shit's getting real in this house as Graduation looms. I'm doing my best to compartmentalize things because if I even talk about it, I choke up.

My husband thinks it's funny as he says, "He's only going 45 minutes away!"

But he's going away. The child that used to scream from his crib at 430 in the morning "START DAY!"

So I'm focusing on the things that I can handle.

Wondering where the cap and gown went after the capping ceremony because I can't focus on watching his little brother cap the big brother.

It's easier to focus on finding the cap and gown under the couch downstairs in the kid's room.

Focusing on finding the special cord for being a straight A student and Athlete, because he doesn't care if he wears it but I do.

Trying not to cry during the capping ceremony. Focusing on how bad my back hurt sitting on bleachers for 2 hours and 15 minutes while the same 7 students got all the Senior Awards.

Watching him write out graduation announcements focusing on why App State has to have special beds in the dorms that require you to purchase special sheets. WTH?

Focusing on missing my own fundraiser Bourbon and Bacon rather than watching him cross that stage getting his diploma.

Compartmentalize things is easier than focusing on the big picture. Watching his spread his wings.

WTF - Call Me SAP

If anyone knows my family, they know the McKeon side of the family is full of saps.

Case in point, my grandmother could never get through a greeting card without wiping away a tear or two. Every family gathering was not dry when my grandmother would ask my father to sing Mother Machree. Especially the time he prefaced it with, "I think this is the first time I ever sang this sober."

I tried to keep it together during my sisters wedding and erupted with a sob because, well, I'm a sap.

Cue now trying to hold it together as my first born gets ready to leave the nest. Sure I'm all confident as the announcements come in and excuse myself to the bathroom. Then the Senior pictures come through and I'll retire to the deck. I tell myself to hold it together but the McKeon comes out every time.

Why am I tearing up as I make them a post prom brunch, what the heck?

When someone asks me where Wolfgang is going to college. I have to gulp first before answering.

Writing out graduation announcements.

Hiding behind Jeff as we take Senior Prom pictures.

Because I still see the little kid that would yell from his room at 4 o'clock in the morning, "Start day!"

The kid who's head was too big so he couldn't balance to walk and scooted across the floor. I'm still amazing we never nicknamed him Scooter.

Waiting on the front porch for the bus to come by.

Beanie.

I said to Jeff the other day, "How am I going to handle this? I'm a McKeon and you know all us Irish are total SAPS! I'm not going to make it through graduation.

"Believe me, you won't be the only one crying," is his reply. He's right, I'll be in good company.

I guess I'll just quietly hold it together, watch them grow wings and hope I did a good job. Then let the McKeon side take over.

WTF - Obsession is that bad?

My children came home from school, checked the mailbox and walked in with a package for me.

"Ah! That's my delivery from Scribe Delivery! My new pens and notebooks!" Disclaimer, most writers are obsessed with pens and notebooks, basically all types of office supplies.

They look at my pile of new notebooks, the pens overflowing the holder, and the box of pens by the side of my "writing chair."

"Mom. we need to talk to you." One child says.

I'm thinking, "OK I've been slacking in the lunch department." or, "I'm still not washing your sheets, that's your job."

"What do we need to talk about?" I ask.

They look at each other, "The newest obsession."

"What are you talking about?" I ask. Me? Obsessed? Maybe a few TV series or a few vampire novels, but I'm not obsessed with anything!

"You're into the pen and notebook obsession," one child says.


"Yeah, this was before the coconut oil obsession," another says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

They explain to me my cycle. I have the obsession, then I move onto the next thing.

There was the healthy smoothie obsession, where I made morning smoothies of chia seeds, beets, veggies, fruits, vinegar, lemon, turmeric, CBD oil whatever I could find. Oh, and of course the collagen for weight loss and hair growth. That lasted a few months.

Then they mentioned the Raramuri runners obsession after reading Born to Run. I was obsessed with salad for breakfast. They didn't like the waking to a breakfast of Spinach salad with a side of Flax seeds..

One of their friends said, "My Mom was obsessed with making chapstick. I walked into the kitchen at 3am and she was making Chapstick. I said 'What are you doing?' she replied, 'Christmas is 6 months away!"'

They counted off another obsession.

"Remember the I'm going to make my own greeting cards obsession," one asked. "We went to Michaels and you bought about 50 stamps, blank cards and told us it was cheaper to make your own card. How many cards did you make?" I wasn't answering three cards and the ink leaked all over my favorite shirt.

"And the painting obsession?" Another asked. Another Michaels trip buying canvases, 200 dollars worth of paint, then trying my best Bob Ross and realizing I really didn't have the talent.

"We like this obsession now," they both say together.

The latest obsession is born out of having one graduating this year from high school. I went from being lazy and throwing the ham and cheese sandwiches into their lunch to ending the school year strong. Years past they'd find a grape halved for their fruit, a moldy piece of brownie for desert then that damn sandwich.

This year, I'm obsessed with bowls. Putting all my cooking goodness together in one bowl (not mentioning the 3876 dirty pans in the kitchen.) I'm making bowls for dinner, bowls for their lunch. They've had the Asian bowl- teriyaki salmon with coconut rise and sautéed green beans. The Southwestern Bowl - fajita chicken with chili black beans, yellow rise, salsa and sour cream. The Pad Thai bowl of Shrimp, Peppers with egg, pad thai sauce and rice noodles. My most artistic was the sushi bowl-sushi rice, imitation crab, chopped avocado and cucumbers sprinkled with sesame seeds. (I had to steal a few soy packets from the grocery store for that one."

So they are lucky at this obsession, they are eating well and actually looking forward to their lunches on a daily basis. I'm enjoying making the food and feeling the small sense of being in control with all the monumental things happening in my life, one driving, another graduating!

I've been lucky that some obsessions stayed with me, my yoga passion and becoming a teacher. My reading though my husband may differ as he steps over all the books on my reading list. My writing, and you're welcome because you are here reading this. I have been informed by my husband that I cannot have another expensive hobby as I eyed the golf clubs in the Pro Shop of the Beech Mountain Club.

So whatever your obsession is - Chapstick, Bowls, Greeting Cards down to Spirulina Smoothies take it for what is it, some stick and it's a good thing and others end up in the pantry next to the paint supplies and the 16 tubes of Saran Wrap from the "trying to shrink my belly" obsession.

I'll just go ahead and hide the bee keeping supplies in the forest. Making my own honey is healthier right?

Can you name any obsession you can laugh about?

WTF - Mother's Day

Back when my boys were little, they always celebrated Mother's Day.

One year they brought a piece of toast and a Miller Lite for breakfast in Bed.

Another year, they loaded all their compliments on Alexa and let her do all the talking.

Another year, they just crawled into bed with me and declared "no one is moving for the day."

It's special to me celebrating with my children, but there's a small part of me that's sad on Mother's Day. Especially this one with so many monumental things happening this year.

One turning 18.

One getting his Learner's Permit

One Graduating

One moving out to go to college.

It's times like these that make me miss my Mom. To call her and have her help me hold it together as my children celebrate getting older and I'm forced to continue to let go.

If I saw her for Mother's Day, I'd tell her how much Wolfgang looks like Dad. I'd expect her to tell me to pull it together as I get weepy when writing out graduation announcements. Maybe she'd take Max out driving just to save me the heart attack, probably not.

I know she'd be here for the upcoming Graduation, she'd be there at the beach this summer as we celebrate Jeff's 60th birthday. Hell, she'd probably be moving to Beech Mountain for the summer because she'd be retired.

I miss talking to her about kids, about lessons learned, about marriage. I miss not being able to call her and ask, "Is this normal?" as my body changes again - sometimes not for the best!

I'll go back to my email and find that folder of all her emails, re reading them and hearing her voice again. I'll look at pictures and smile remembering when she said we had to "act cool" going into a club we didn't belong to and tripping through the front door. Or smile when she called me from a business trip to California telling me how nice her hotel room was:

"You won't believe it. There's all kind of food and a refrigerator full of beer and liquor. I can't eat all the food, but I went ahead and put most of the refrigerator stuff in my luggage!"

When you lose parents, it's these holidays that make you stop and find gratitude that you had that time with Mom. Then just like all the monumental things happening this year have the courage to let it go and tuck it away in that little box of what you don't want to deal with right now. Smile as the Miller Lite and piece of toast you received when the kids were little are now Eagle Rare Bourbon and Sourdough Toast.

For those Moms out there, enjoy! Enjoy the time with your kids and your time with your Mom because you never realize how fast it goes until you're looking at Graduation announcements saying, "What the hell?"

Happy Mother's Day. I'm going to brunch at Beech Mountain Club because my son is working there and wants "to cook me something."

Holding it together right now, making Mom proud.

Takeaway from Yesterday's Town Council Meeting

Yesterday’s Council meeting was well attended and resulted in several significant decisions and useful information. For those of you unable to attend, Council meetings are now being live streamed over the internet so you can watch without being there.

          As a first item, Tim and Robert addressed the circumstances surrounding the water valve incident at Buckeye prior to Thanksgiving. Using the questions I submitted to the Council, they handed out a response sheet and did a summary presentation. In brief, it is clear to me that there was a lot of misinformation spread about the incident (further addressed below) and the Town handled the entire issue appropriately. 

          Here are the facts addressed. Because Buckeye Reservoir is a stream impoundment, the Army Corps of Engineers requires the Town to keep a certain water flow in Buckeye Creek below the dam. The valve, installed in 1984, is a 4 foot by 4 foot gate about 37 feet under water, controlled by a long iron pipe and screw gate. It is regularly opened to release water. On October 15, representatives of the Town met with representatives of various federal agencies to seek a change in the minimum release requirements. As part of that issue, the Town was asked to install stream flow gauges, as well as inspect and operate the valve. The Town retained an experienced dive contractor to complete this operation. The work needed to be done in the fall in case there was a release, to allow the Laketo refill. Town employees were aware of the risks involved in operating the valve.

          The contractor’s divers worked filming and operating the valve on November 20. At some point in the operation the valve rod bent due to water pressure, leaving the valve partially open and causing water to flow at a high  rate of speed through the valve. A diver working to determine what had occurred was sucked partially into the gate and became stuck. In a 4 hour rescue operation, involving about 45 people, the diver was rescued.  The valve, however, could not be closed until the Lake was drained. Once the Lakewas drained, the valve was closed and is now stuck in that position. The valve is operational, but the mechanism to open and close it will need to be entirely rebuilt. 

          The Town immediately declared a water emergency and implemented its emergency plans. The total cost of responding was about $60,800. An after action meeting has occurred and several issues requiring corrective action identified and implemented. Chief Pudney stated that this was an extraordinary rescue and many similar incidents result in death. Fortunately, this diver has recovered. Various individuals were recognized at the meeting for their efforts during the rescue.

          In other business, new appointments to various Town boards will be made in January and anyone interested in applying should do so. A motion for the Town to financially support the Resort’s bus service failed for lack of a second, but in subsequent discussion it was clear that a majority of the Council believes this is an issue better left to the TDA. By motion, the Council has agreed to allow a second public comment period at the end of each Council session, but only for those items addressed in the agenda. Finally, Council has set a public hearing on the proposed leash law ordinance for the January meeting. It is clear that the proposed ordinance currently has a 3 (Renee, Wendell and Barry) vote majority, but please make your thoughts known to Council. The annual planning retreat will take place in Council chambersJanuary 15 and the public is invited to attend, as well as submit issues and suggestions to Council prior to the meeting.

          Finally, a personal note. It was clear to me from public comments yesterday that social media is the 21^st century equivalent of the game of telephone and should not be trusted when it comes to Town issues. If you see something on social media about Town matters, please do not further broadcast it until you have confirmed it with a Town employee or elected official. Two examples will illustrate the problem. First, much of the information spread about the valve problem was simply wrong. Second, the Town and TDA purchased one large ornament. There are no plans to purchase any others and any suggestion to the contrary are also wrong. Please do not spread false information on social media. Thanks and I look forward to seeing everyone at the January meeting.

WTF - Getting Ready for the Weekend

Guys! They are calling for the possibility of two feet of snow in the High Country, or maybe not or maybe more! Gotta love North Carolina weather!  If you want to take a break from skiing here’s some great things happening in area resorts:

Appalachian Ski Mountain - Burton Ringlet Park Tour - The Burton Riglet Park Tour is a mobile product demo and mini-snowboard park geared towards introducing children as young as 2 to the sport of snowboarding. A custom children’s learning terrain area will be provided at the base of ASM and Burton Snowboard experts will be offering a free “introductory terrain park experience” for children ages 2 to 6. Registration starts at 9am - noon. This is a free event but a helmet is required. Ice skating is also available.

Jones House Christmas Tree Lighting - Come to the community center from 5-8pm m on Friday for the lighting of the tree. Christmas music, Christmas goodies. 

Watauga Christmas Parade - Come Saturday and enjoy all the sights and sounds of the holidays with the parade down Main Street in Boone. The parade runs from 11-1pm with SANTA!

Watauga Community Band Annual Holiday Concert - this free concert is Saturday at ASU - Rosen Concert Hall, Broyhill Music Center from 7-830pm. 

Tweetsie Christmas - Tweetsie Railroad is decked out with Christmas lights for the train ride. A great holiday event, sessions are timed and open for all ages. Tickets are 38/per person children under 2 are free.

Sugar Mountain Sugarfest - Fest runs Dec 7 - 9th Come meet 1992 Olympic figure skating silver medalist Paul Wylie live music with Glen Harlow & North Fork Band, fireworks, preseason adult ski clinic, EDGE of the WORLD mini-games, appearances by Sweetie and Sugar Bear! For the schedule visit http://www.skisugar.com/sugarfest/

Banner Elk Small Town Christmas Weekend - festivities include a 5K run, breakfast with Santa, lighting the yule log, lighting the community Christmas tree. Fun for all ages. For the schedule visit https://www.bannerelk.com/members/small-town-christmas/ 

Beech Mountain Resort - Get some great winter storm skiing this weekend, ice skating is now open. With 6 inches of fresh snow and snowmaking temperatures, all week look for more terrain to open soon. Snowmaking on the tubing runs is in action as well.

Beech Mountain Brewing Beer Release Party - Come to Bodegas in Banner Elk at 5pm for Beech Mountain Brewery & Sierra Nevada’s launch of their Beer Camp Beech Season IPA. Live music from Handlebar Betty, food specials and a silent auction benefitting the Wooly Worm Festival (canceled the second day because of hurricane damage)

RECklESS Rail Jam Presented By Recess - Come to ride and have fun or come to watch these people throw it down. This is a free event in the Park of Beech Mountain Resort open to snowboarders of all levels.  Basic rail setup. Running from 9-5pm

Grandfather Mountain is offering dollar days for the month of the December. All local residents with a proof address can enter the park for $3/each. Visitors with Christmas trees on their car or a receipt from a local farm also receive a discount.

Catalooche - Come Thursday night for Backcountry Film Festival @ Sierra Nevada Brewing with Raffle Benefitting the Asheville Ski & Development Team. Tickets are $10/each or $12 at the door. Enjoy 9 films along with a raffle benefitting Asheville Ski Club Ski & Development Team.

Warren Haynes Christmas Jam - in nearby Asheville, enjoy a two-day music festival of music! Jam runs Friday and Saturday with daily and two day passes available. This year’s Christmas Jam House will be built in Asheville Area Habitat for Humanity’s newest neighborhood, Curry Court in Candler, which will become home to 12 families and will include both single family homes as well as townhomes. This jam, in its 29th year, has raised over 2.3 million for Habitat for Humanity.

There’s always plenty to do on the snow and off the snow in North Carolina!

Buckeye Reservoir Questions to Town Council

This is an email going around the town of Beech Mountain on our water situation. I wanted to share it with you in case you didn't see it. Big thanks to Urs for getting this moving for the December Town Council Meeting. If you are not on the email chain, let me know and I can forward email addresses.

As discussed with Renee, I have drafted a series of questions, attached, answers to which I believe are the minimum needed for taxpayers to have a better understanding of how this incident happened and how to prevent similar events. While I still believe an outside investigation is needed, I hope that these answers and the documentary evidence will

suffice. If any questions are unclear, please let me know. Urs

In order to better understand the facts and circumstances surrounding the loss of water at Buckeye Lake on November 20, 2018 and to ensure we are better prepared in the future, answers to the following questions are needed. In all cases, any documents supporting the relevant answers need to be provided. Any references to Town employees include contractors working for the Town under pre-existing contracts, such as contracts with West Consultants.

The Valve

1. When was the valve at issue installed?

2. What is the valve’s purpose?

3. What state or federal regulatory agencies have any jurisdiction over the valve or its functioning?

4. When was the last time, prior to the day of the incident, that the valve had been opened and closed?

5. What correspondence has the Town had in the past three years with any state or federal agencies about the valve?

The Dive Contract

1. What prompted the Town to contract with a dive company to inspect the valve?

2. Was there a Request for Proposal issued by the Town?

3. If so, describe the scope of work in the RFP.

4. How many bidders were there for the contract?

5. What was the scope of work in the final signed contract?

6. Who selected the contractor?

7. Was the contractor required to have general liability insurance?

8. When was the contract to be performed?

9. Who was to supervise the scope of work?

10. Was the contractor tasked to open and close the valve?

11. If so, was there any discussion about the possible adverse consequences to water levels at Buckeye Lake if the valve could not be closed?

12. Was there any discussion about using a coffer dam or other method to isolate the valve from the lake to facilitate inspection?

The Incident

1. What employees of the Town were present while the divers were at Buckeye Lake?

2. Describe, using eyewitness testimony, what occurred at Buckeye Lake on November 20, 2018, starting from when the divers arrived until the diver was rescued.

3. What, if any, instructions did the divers receive from any Town employee on November 20, 2018, prior to the diver’s leg becoming entangled?

4. Who decided to open the valve on November 20, 2018?

5. Was there any discussion on November 20 about the possible adverse consequences to Buckeye Lake levels if the valve could not be closed?

6. Was there an emergency plan in place in the event that the valve could not be closed?

Emergency Response

1. Did the Town have a written emergency plan to deal with a sudden loss of water at Buckeye Lake?

2. If so, was that plan executed?

3. If so, what were the parameters of that plan?

4. What was the total cost to the Town to supply water by tanker and to supply bottled water?

5. Has there been an after action meeting of Town employees about the incident and the response?

6. If so, what deficiencies were identified?

7. If so, what changes, if any, were proposed to any Town policies or emergency plans?