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Thursday, July 7, 2016

WTF - You know you are a parent....

90% of your day is resisting the urge to say, "See, I told you not to do that.

After saying, "Do you think that is a good idea."

You've moved out of lecturing when witnessing a bad idea into popping popcorn for watching the show.

Understanding why whine and wine sound the same.

You've mastered the "Wait until we get home" eye.

You know how to get chocolate out of everything, especially your clothes.

Realizing a little covering of melted cheddar cheese makes everything edible

You choose vacation clothing because of the quality of the pockets.

"Maybe" and "We'll see" are a regular part of your vocabulary until they get wise and realize both mean, "Ain't no way."

When they wake from anesthesia, your first compulsion is to videotape.

Everyone looks to you when the dog walks by with poop hanging out of her butt.

You plan lunch as you are cooking breakfast because the teenager always pushes away the empty plate asking, "What's for lunch?"

You get to a point where you never look in a toilet as you enter the bathroom, simply flush it.

You have a nose of steel from all the "sniff" tests on expired food, clothing on the floor, towels.

You freezer is full of "go to" foods (Hot Pockets, Chicken Nuggets, Pizza) but you'll never admit it to your organic Moms.

You know the difference between threats and empty threats.  Heck, they are all empty threats but we sound mean!

You say, "Because I said so," or "Are your legs broken?" or "Do we have to refrigerate the neighborhood?" even when you swore you'd never say them.

Hiding your phone charger like a ninja, then like a ninja slipping away from your kids to charge it.

You realize that you could leave everything where it is because you only have a few more years until they move out.

You are busy screaming at your children, as you squeezing into your yoga pants while posting how blessed you are on Facebook.

Realizing your parents were right as you argue with your kids about how you are right.

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