WTF - Thank You Social Media For Giving Me Patience

Is it good or bad that Social Media has helped us old folk with our patience?

Waiting has taken on a whole new meaning with Social Media. Kids, social media gives you an extra buffer when parents are waiting on you!

Pulling into the parking lot of High School waiting on my child, normally I'd be frustrated 36 seconds into it because my attention is finding him.

However, a totally new routine gives him extra time as I pull out my phone:

Check text messages, anything important? If not, send a few random things to people.

Check through Facebook, purposely reading through the newsfeed before taking the time checking my own notifications because that is the way you do it. Your notifications are like dessert, "Someone LIKED me" so go through all the mundane stuff then move to dessert last.

Of course, my son isn't here so I'll stalk a few people I'm interested in, lurking away quietly.

Do I send a text message to him saying, "I am waiting on you in the parking lot, come on!"

No, I move over to Instagram, looking through pictures before looking at who liked my picture, (just like the Facebook notifications, dessert last) because it is not all about MY ego, it's about the artwork.

I'll then look through what my Instagram friends like possibly following something if it looks interesting.

I'm not done yet. Perhaps I go back to Facebook because I'm sure within the 3 minutes of Instagram I could miss something there.

Move over to my blog, I check how many people read my post (that's it???) Look through friends blogs, making a few comments. (Why don't people comment on blogs?)

Finally, the finishing with my favorite, SnapChat because I feel this is a direct connection to people and that is important! Take a random picture for my MyStory because my life is that exciting.

When all is said and done, I look up aggravated, "What is that boy doing over there, doesn't he know I am waiting?"

So teenagers, now that your parents are on Social Media, you know you have a good 24 and a half minutes before they really start looking for you! If you haven't introduced Mom to SnapChat, add that because you'll but another 5 minutes of talking with your friends in the carpool with that one!

Has your patience increased in the DMV, the grocery store, the bathroom because your phone keeps you company?

Have you become a raving maniac waiting in line WITHOUT your phone? ("what am I supposed to do, I need to LIKE something")

Tell me Social Media does not have the redeeming quality of giving you more patience?

WTF - Raising Children

Raising children has taught me some invaluable lessons about life:

Life is like babies, there's always some type of shit to deal with - thrown at you, to clean up, or to just deal with it.

Never make promises you cannot keep, kids brains are like steel traps to a promise. You'll hear, "Remember when you promised you'd save me the last Oreo 6 years ago and ate it? I remember that Mom, I remember it well."

White clothing is the unicorn of the universe, everyone's heard of it but no one, I repeat, no one has ever seen one.

There is never enough food in the cupboard, even 15 minutes after you go grocery shopping, there is "nothing to eat."

Always stay positive, you are "positive" you are losing your mind, you are "positive" you're going to kill whoever left tubes of Chapstick in the dryer, you are "positive"

You are not alone. I am not talking about what feels like an alien invasion when a child stands next to your bed at 3am just staring at you. I'm saying even after they let you go to the bathroom alone, they still stand outside the door saying, "Mom, I need to ask you a question."

If you worry that no one out there has it as crazy as you do, just go to Chick Fil A on a Saturday and lunchtime and try dining right next to the play place. You will feel completely normal after.

There's not more fun than embarrassing a teenager.

Battle tactical learning is a must, because we all start off trying to be a referee between our children but it ends up degenerating into guerrilla warfare by the end.

I have learned things from my children, that I actually have patience and that "no swearing" promise I made to them a year ago, well, that's never gonna happen.

Some of the best teachable moments are when everything goes wrong, and we all enjoy watching Dad totally lose it.

You will never be ready to a parent, and you'll spend the rest of your life second guessing everything you do, so do it anyway.

Karma is watching that person that give you so much advice when your baby was born totally freaking out exactly the same way you did when their child comes along.

Each new adventure for your child is equal parts letting go and running screaming after them.

Parenting is one part paying attention, one part not exactly listening, one part paying the price for not listening, one part freaking out.

Take every emotion you've ever felt to the extreme, if you can handle that you can become a parent.

If you meet new parents and all they talk about is how special their child is and what amazing things they will do, remember you were that same person when your child was born.

That first time you go to the grocery store alone will feel both sad and magical, there's time to shop!

If you ever want to know what unconditional love feels like?

Have a child.