WTF - A Social Media Education by my Children

I think I have a different thought process when it comes to social media. My children decided to explain things to me.

"Mom, stop flexing on Instagram," They cry as I take a picture of the Southern Chicken Breakfast Bake Masterpiece and am ready to hit "post the picture."

"Why?" I ask pointing to the skillet on the stove, "LOOK AT THAT!"

"It's embarrassing," They reply.

So what do I do? I post a video to my STORY of them complaining about me over flexing then them cleaning their plate with my masterpiece. They say that's OK because it goes away.

Here's my education per my children:

Snapchat, you can send them pictures but don't post too much to your story. That's called flexing. My children suggest a picture every once in a while. "Oh and Mom, you may want to reply to Snapchats with just a picture of the top of your head." Me. "Why?" (thinking maybe my saggy neck is getting to them?) "That's what everyone else does."

Instagram - "Mom you flex too much." Me. "I put these pictures up because at the end of the year I can get a company to make a hardcover book out of my pictures! See? I'm not a scrap booker, I get someone to do it for me." Kids, "Just don't post any more animals on your walks to you story." Me. "Good compromise."

Facebook - Kids, "Only old people use Facebook." Me. "Good then you won't see me flexing on Facebook because I'm pretty damn funny."

Text Messages - "Who texts anymore?"

"Is that why you always ignore my texts? I see text messaging as saying something to someone and when they don't respond I go into insecure mode!"

Did they not like my text? Do they like me? Did I make them mad? Screw them. I'm never texting again.

Kids, "No why should we respond to everything?"

Me, "Just send me a smiley face or something to make me feel better."

Email - Kids, "What is that?"

Me. Heavy sigh.

Phone Calls - no one talks on the phone anymore. At least I am in agreement with that!

So I'm ahead of the game because I know I can flex on Snapchat and Instagram but behind the game when it comes to email and Facebook - so last year!

Now to get back on my computer and look up: Visco, WhatsApp, and Tinder.

Ha! No Hinge or Tinder for me. But I'm hip enough to know about it.

WTF - Thank You Social Media For Giving Me Patience

Is it good or bad that Social Media has helped us old folk with our patience?

Waiting has taken on a whole new meaning with Social Media. Kids, social media gives you an extra buffer when parents are waiting on you!

Pulling into the parking lot of High School waiting on my child, normally I'd be frustrated 36 seconds into it because my attention is finding him.

However, a totally new routine gives him extra time as I pull out my phone:

Check text messages, anything important? If not, send a few random things to people.

Check through Facebook, purposely reading through the newsfeed before taking the time checking my own notifications because that is the way you do it. Your notifications are like dessert, "Someone LIKED me" so go through all the mundane stuff then move to dessert last.

Of course, my son isn't here so I'll stalk a few people I'm interested in, lurking away quietly.

Do I send a text message to him saying, "I am waiting on you in the parking lot, come on!"

No, I move over to Instagram, looking through pictures before looking at who liked my picture, (just like the Facebook notifications, dessert last) because it is not all about MY ego, it's about the artwork.

I'll then look through what my Instagram friends like possibly following something if it looks interesting.

I'm not done yet. Perhaps I go back to Facebook because I'm sure within the 3 minutes of Instagram I could miss something there.

Move over to my blog, I check how many people read my post (that's it???) Look through friends blogs, making a few comments. (Why don't people comment on blogs?)

Finally, the finishing with my favorite, SnapChat because I feel this is a direct connection to people and that is important! Take a random picture for my MyStory because my life is that exciting.

When all is said and done, I look up aggravated, "What is that boy doing over there, doesn't he know I am waiting?"

So teenagers, now that your parents are on Social Media, you know you have a good 24 and a half minutes before they really start looking for you! If you haven't introduced Mom to SnapChat, add that because you'll but another 5 minutes of talking with your friends in the carpool with that one!

Has your patience increased in the DMV, the grocery store, the bathroom because your phone keeps you company?

Have you become a raving maniac waiting in line WITHOUT your phone? ("what am I supposed to do, I need to LIKE something")

Tell me Social Media does not have the redeeming quality of giving you more patience?