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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

WTF - Things I Will Not Do

Dear friends,

Things I will not do:

Smell clothes to see if they are dirty.

Sniff test anything unrecognizable from the refrigerator.

Wear push up bras, nothing stays in there anyway.

Share my body glide, if you don't know what body glide is--don't ask.

I will not ever, I mean ever step food into another Chuck E Cheese.

Tell my husband "EOC" during an argument. (If you don't know what EOC means, look it up)

Never be rude to a Police Officer,  again.

Believe someone when they say, "We're only going out for one."

Listen to someone who says, "Oh, it's an easy blue, you'll be just fine."

Figure I don't have to time to check if the toilet seat is down.

Pierce anything below my neck. That shit keeps moving down and I'm sure it'd start catching.

Get liposuction, well honestly, I can't afford it.

Finish a book if I've lost interest, ain't nobody got time for that. (except for 50 shades)

Stand naked on my porch thinking, "I don't have any neighbors anyway."

Stand naked anywhere.

Walk through a cemetery at night.

Look for something in a child's bedroom, that's worse than the cemetery.

Stand idly by when I hear someone say, "Hey watch this!" or "Honey, hold my beer!"

Pee in my wetsuit to stay warm, I mean, I'll probably not wear another wetsuit. I didn't like the 3days of trying to get it off my body.

Tell you who I am voting for because I want us to stay friends.

I will never underestimate the intelligence of youth, my kids taught me that.

Most of all I will never forget to laugh each and every day.

What's on your ani-bucket list?

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