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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Thursday, July 13, 2017

WTF - Someone Call The Doctor

I maintain a healthy lifestyle purposely for keeping away from the doctor.

I mean, why else would I purposely pickle my liver?

If you are a nurse or doctor, just go ahead and move onto something a little tamer like - @puppies

 I mean who really tells their doctors the truth?

"Yes sir, I only have several alcoholic drinks a week." (Seriously their definition of several may be a little different than mine."

"I never take any medicine, it's bad for the body," as I'm cracking my super Aspartame gum.

I thought I'd entertain you with a wonderful doctor story, courtesy of my great Aunt (bless her heart, god rest her soul) at the tender age of oh, say over 80 she had a pain in the, you know, down there part (her words) so she ended up at the gyno getting things out. In her usual Irish humor, while he was working she politely asked, "Did you find a college ring?" Of course the nurse came out almost peeing from laughing, and oh, that poor doctor.

So it made me think, what are somethings you could say during sex or at the doctors office:

I'm sorry I came late, I was busy.

Open wide, let me put this stick down your throat.

Boy, that feels cold.

Does this hurt?

Please take your clothes off and lie under the sheet.

How long have you felt like this?

Open your legs wider.

Now relax.

This isn't going to hurt a bit.

I'm almost done.

Just a small prick.

I see being large runs in your family.

Please lie down, I want to test you.

Trust me, I've done this before.

Thanks for coming, get plenty of rest.

So go with me and keep up the several drinks a week habit, make it wine and you're winning!

But if you have to go to the doctor, you'll know what to say.

What would you add to the list?

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