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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

WTF - Warning Labels


Have you ever wondered how we all survived childhood? How your children survived childhood? Especially when there are so many secrets.

When my children were small, I wished most of the toys in the toy store came with the following warning labels.

Packaging is designed so only smart strong people can get to this toy.

Loud as Shit.

You'll never figure it out. Engineering degree required for assembly.

 Please have a drink before attempting assembly.

Buy stock in AA batteries.

Doesn't have a volume option.

He'll beat his brother up with it.

Just go ahead and buy one per child.

We've hidden the "off" switch.

Yes, there is one extra part.

You'll have nightmares about it.

Don't ever step on it.

Becomes a nasty stinky mess after the first use.

Just take it from them now.


Now as teenagers, their Christmas list has changed, but I need these warnings:

You'll hate it.  Honestly, after 15 minutes you'll hate it.

It's too expensive for him to lose it after a day.

Don't buy me, just buy the gift card.

Put the parental safety controls on now.

It will never have enough space.

He'll never figure it out.

Put me back, you don't understand cool.

You'll need a drink before you see him wear it.

He'll beat his brother up with it.

You need to let him pick it out, especially if you can't return it.

Just take it from them now.

Luckily I survived childhood because sometimes ignorance is bliss. Maybe they've hidden those secret warnings in the plastic packaging you can never open!

What warnings would you add to some toys for children or teenagers?




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