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Thursday, November 24, 2016

WTF - I'm F*cking Thankful

Oh spare me, it's that time of year where everyone is thankful for this, grateful for that, inspired by whatever. Oh wait, I'm supposed to ride the tide of thankfulness.

So, yeah, I am thankful for:

My Hubby - I am thankful that he simply shakes his head as I test the Darwin theory on a regular basis. I am grateful he usually is by my side on most of those shenanigans.

Sports Bras - when you have tats like mine you gotta hold those puppies in so you don't get a black eye on a run or brisk walk! I am grateful that I went from wearing 6 bras to one expensive but worth the price feeling like a steel tank around those puppies.

Boxed Wine - I am thankful for boxed wine because it lasts longer than those bottles. I am grateful for boxed wine at the dinner party because we start with a nice bottle then disintegrate to the box because no one will notice the difference thus saving money.

Pepper Spray - I am thankful for my pepper spray on dogs sniffing a little too close to my assets. I am grateful for the pepper spray helping separate the boys in a fight. (Did I just say that?)

Urban Dictionary - I am grateful for Urban Dictionary helping me keep up with my kids in the coolness factor. I am grateful when sometimes I'll put in a word and it comes back with, "Do you want the safe definition or the REAL definition." I just wish a few of those definitions I could un-see.

Friends - I am thankful for my crazy assed friends happily going along with completely deplorable shenanigans. I am grateful they keep secrets as well as I do.

Books - I am grateful for the books I write because if I don't write it, I will do it. I am thankful for the books I read helping me realize most authors are just as crazy as me.

Yoga pants - need I say more.

Cell Phone - I am thankful for my cell phone as my personal secretary, telling me when someone is calling, taking a message when I'm too lazy to answer the phone. I am grateful no one had cell phones when I was a kid otherwise I'd be a YouTube sensation. (Go ahead and google my husband's latest YouTube video)

My Kids - I am grateful for my children, especially that they are still alive today after all the stupid shit they've done. I am thankful after all the stupid shit I'VE done, they're still alive.

Finally, I am thankful for this thing called life and grateful for all the amazing people sharing it with me!

What are you thankful for?

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