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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Sunday, December 4, 2016

WTF - Do you Fraser Fur?

The picture in the head is never like the actual reality is it?

This year we went on our yearly excursion for THE perfect Christmas tree. Little disclaimer to start, my husband it not the best with it comes to crowds, kids and campiness.

Enter the SugarPlum Fairy Christmas Tree Farm. (Go there, they said, you'll love it)

We pull in and are met by a very nice lady,

"Take Blitzen Way down to Comet Road then make a sharp on Snowflake circle, you can park there."

My husband looks at me, "Is that some kind of code?"

Of course he takes the wrong way through Frosty's Garden one of the guys yelling at us while pointing to Snowflake Circle.

The hubby is always the man with a plan, this time it's my turn with the plan! "We take the hayride up to the trees, pick a tree, cut it down and we're good to go!" I say excited.

He looks at his watch, "So what, fifteen minutes?"

I walk around Sugar Plum Village, into Christmas Corner and return back to the hubby with his hands on his hips, "You're late we missed the Sugar Plum Express."

Trying not to laugh, I say, "What?"

"The hayride, the hayride already left, see?" He points to the disappearing wagon. "You went past the North Pole, we are supposed to wait here. Now we have to wait for the next SugarPlum Express."

"Let me take your picture, stick your head in the snowman." Was that a smile?

We make the second hayride, and it circles all around the farm the hubby saying, "Are we back on Snowflake Lane AGAIN, we were just there. We keep circling the trees, tell them to stop and let us off!"

"Oh honey, just enjoy the experience," I say as we finally stop at the trees.

A very nice man in a Carhart suit hands my husband a saw, he looks at it with a "Do what?" I'm handed a white pole. "This is to help you measure your tree." It comes out like, "Thas is here to hep ya murshure yur traigh."

We start up in the trees, Matthew starts with a 75 footer, "This one's perfect!" Max of course goes for the Charlie Brown tree, "I want this one." The hubby picks the first one in front of him, "This is it, I'm cutting it down."

I stop everyone, "WAIT! This is supposed to be a great experience, look at all these trees! We have to find the PERFECT one!"

All three of them sigh, follow me as I look at every tree, five minutes of looking at trees, they all yell, "I love it! It is perfect!" when I pause in front of any tree even a dead one.

I hear one of them saying, "We should have brought water and snacks, this is gonna take forever."

Finally, they can't take it anymore and make me pick a tree. The Hubby holds out the saw to the kids pointing to halfway down the tree!

"Wait a minute!  Go lower, you're leaving part of the tree!"

"Did you see the price list? It's cheaper if it's shorter! Let's cut here." Before I can argue they are sawing away. The kids each take two swipes loose interest, giving the saw to the hubby running off into the forest. He saws, takes off his jacket cause he's getting hot, continues, then asks, "Don't you want to experience this Christmas memory? My heart is racing."

Me, "Naw, your life insurance is up to date, you can do it."

We finally get the tree down, he walks next to another Dad in the farm, pulling our tree saying, "Jeez we have to do all the work AND pay for the tree!" The other Dad sighs, "I know!" Finally we take it down to Blizzard circle for tagging, my husband moaning that cutting down a tree is harder than it looks! The same guy in the Carhart says, "Why did you cut the tree down? We have chain saws?" My hubby looks at me like he's thinking of using the saw, again.

Making it back to Sugarplum Village as the hubby was not waiting on the Express again, we wander until a nice lady says, "Oh, you pay for your tree in Santa's Workshop." In Santa's workshop the nice lady informs us we have to pickup the tree, put it on our car in Blizzard Circle before we come and pay for it. Moving the truck out of Blitzen parking we get stuck again in Snowflake circle finally finding Blizzard and our tree! Riding back down Rudolph lane we are back in Santa's workshop, the hubby looking at me as they charge his credit card, "See, we saved 20 bucks cutting where we did."  "But we left a bush behind," I whisper.

Before exiting out of Santa's House of course you have to go by Santa. I'm all excited, moving to sit on Santa's lap. Poor Santa looks at my big butt and happily pats a chair next to him, "Tell me what you want for Christmas!"

We get lost on the way out, going around Snowflake Circle for the last time before finding the checkout. A very nice lady hands us a free coffee mug saying, "Come back and visit us next year!" sounding like, "Cahum baak aund visuht us nahxt year!"

Finally rolling down Rudolph Lane and exiting the Sugar Plum Christmas Farm I give my hubby the best gift for helping me make a memory!

"Let's go over to Blind Squirrel Brewery for lunch and a BEER!"

Even though our reality was different than what I pictured we still had a blast! Oh wait, I think I'm just saying that for myself!

How do you navigate Christmas tree farms?

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