WTF - Laundry List

My college freshman called and said he missed me and wanted to come home for a night. I understood the translation, "I have a boatload of laundry to do."

He came home proudly telling me he even was washing his sheets! (He's been in the dorm three, three weeks - Ewwww)

The next day when I go to take a shower, I wonder where all my towels went? Ah, yes he washed his sheets but left me the dirty towels and grabbed some clean ones.

With one still at home, I figured we had to go down my laundry list:

If you don't want it ruined, empty your pockets. Especially Lip Balm that melts in the dryer and you can't get the stains out of your clothes. If it does get ruined there is no complaining to the management. You snuck those pants into my hamper.

But you can leave money in your pockets. I love freshly laundered money.

Clothes around the hamper do not get washed, clothes in the hamper do.

If you tried it on and didn't want to wear it, it's still clean. Don't throw it on the floor for the dog to pee on.

You can reuse a towel if hung up properly. Don't shove it in a big ball on the towel rack. Remember this isn't a hotel. We can use towels more than once. And the argument that it touched your private parts isn't working. They were clean when it touched them.

If it goes into the wash inside out, it gets folded inside out. You can guess what's on that T-shirt.

Keep your socks together. I got overwhelmed by single socks to the point I just took a trash bag of single socks and gave it to Goodwill, let them deal with it.

You can wear your Jeans more than once. We don't work on a farm. Your father puts his jeans in the freezer to clean them. I'm guilty of washing mine.

Finally, you can use a computer, definitely use an iPhone. I'm sure you can figure out the washer and dryer.

Who used up all my laundry detergent?

WTF - The Laundry Wars

We are currently in a laundry war in my house right now.

Shouldn't you be doing laundry?

Day 1 - I find everything I just folded pushed off the bed onto the floor, of course the dog peed on it.

I line both of the boys up, "I'm not doing your laundry anymore, oh and the dog peed on that pile of clothes."

Day 2 - the pile of clothes is still there, minus a few items telling me they did the smell test, figuring out what was still clean and wore it.

They walk by, I can't help saying, "What's that smell?" They look horrified running back to their room.

Day 3 - the pile is still there, I can't smell the pee because it is now surrounded by their dirty clothes and it smells like feet in the room.

Day 4 - The pile has been pushed to the corner of the room, the dresser drawers open what was left of  clean clothes pulled out and fallen to the floor. I close the door, keeping the dog out of the room because at this point it smells like a locker room and she'll want to mark everything.

Day 5 - the pile of clean clothes in front of the dresser is diminishing, the pile of dirty clothes taking over the right side of the room.

Day 6 - my socks are missing. I suspect children are raiding my amazing sock collection as all of their items are now dirty.

Day 7 - my long underwear has gone missing. Really? I find it in a child's room, there's no way I'm sniff testing that baby.

Day 8 - I have banned myself from the downstairs, walking through the rooms simply pisses me off right now. They are walking around the house in their underwear hoping I'll crack.  No way! I'm hiding my clean socks and long underwear.

They start raiding Dad's drawers.

This is all he has left.

Day 9 - I throw a major temper tantrum about the downstairs, throwing dirty clothes at them, they finally give in and stuff the washer with as much dirty clothes as it can hold while commenting to each other they "don't know what's wrong with me?"

Day 10 - their clothes are still in the washer.

Day 11 - I've got laundry to do, I justify moving the amazing amount of clothes from the washer to the dryer for them.  Of course, when I need the dryer, I put their big pile of clean clothes on a bed and continue with my day.

Day 12 - Somehow,  the pile of clean clothes fell off the bed and onto the floor just as the dog walked by.

I'm going for a glass of wine.

WTF - Frost and Laundry

I always think of the Frost poem when I do laundry:

And there are piles to go before I sleep.
Piles to go before I sleep.

Laundry has taught me many things:

Imaginary friends are real, seriously, because the amount of clothes I'm cleaning there are more than 4 people living in this household.

Clean clothes left on the floor long enough become dirty clothes, the dog has to cover up that laundry detergent smell somehow.

Children think wearing something once constitutes it as dirty, that is, until they start doing their own laundry.

Why buy a child a dresser when all the laundry stays on his bed until dirty.

There is a "5 second" rule to laundry, if you open the washer and the smell doesn't bring you to your knees, it's perfectly fine transferring the three day old laundry to the dryer.

When telling a child to do laundry you must include things like, "put detergent in" and "turn on the washing machine.

I seriously think a Mom came up with the concept of nudist colonies, a quick look at my body I'm fine with doing laundry as I continue folding.

The dryer is a magical Ground Hog place, you keep turning it on, forgetting the laundry, turning it on again, forgetting it again, turning it on again.

There is nothing sexier than watching a man fold laundry.

One of these days I'd love to say, "Dear Laundry, you're not attractive, I'm not doing you.  Love Kelly."

What has laundry taught you?