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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Thursday, September 28, 2017

WTF - But Officer!

We all know those drivers.

I'm talking about those drivers.

Not us.

Those drivers.

You're taking that leisurely drive home from the bar, the restaurant, the PTA meeting, the adult bookstore and there they are:

Sitting on your ass. Riding so close you feel like you should smoke a cigarette with them.

You check your speed, are you going to slow? No, you are the required 7 miles over the speed limit.

What the hell?

So what do you do? Pull over and let them by? That's what you should do, right?

Hell No, you slow down, of course. Don't hit the brakes yet, just slow down enough to really piss the jackass off.

So you drive a little slow, give them the stink eye in your rear view mirror (which they cannot see)  until you're tired of driving slow, right?

Then you decide you'll pull over, letting the jackass ahead of you and be done with it, right?

Right.

Pull over, give them the stink eye as they pass then let things go.

No, you decide you should now ride their ass. Let them feel your breath down their throat.

Until the cop lights come on behind you.

"Do you know why you were pulled over?"

"Was I speeding?"

"No, you were tailgating."

"What!?! Wait a minute! That jackass was tailgating me!" You point to the car fading into the distance.

"You are the only one I saw tailgating." (Showing him my Snapchat of jackass tailgater is out of the question, right?)

"Seriously, that black car up there with the Salt Life sticker rode my butt all the way down 105!"

"Now let's not get excited here, Just calm down."

Yelling at a cop, not the smartest decision here.

He walks back to his car, I'm waiting, I'm thinking if I ever see that damn black SUV with the Salt Life sticker on the back, I'm gonna have a word with them. Then I'm wondering what a "following too closely" ticket costs.

He comes back, "Everything checks out. Just don't tailgate, OK? Have a good night."

"Thank you officer."

So what lessons about human nature did we learn here? Don't tailgate? OK. Mentioning the term Jackass in front of a policeman is probably not a good idea? You got it.

Of course the most important one,

Always say thank you!

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