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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Friday, September 16, 2016

WTF - Is That Fish Happy To See Me?

We continue trying to be healthy with our meal choices finding out we don't want Chickens with Boobies bigger than mine, or cows with swiss cheese brains, the hubby figures we can get healthy with fish. He looks at me incredulously as I cringe at the package of fish in our grocery cart.

Fish? Fish? Do you know what they do to that fish?

He looks at the package, "Looks normal to me."

"They grow that fish in farms and feed them the shit from the other fish," I say watching the whole family cringe. "We cannot eat that! It is full of shit literally!"

"But it says all natural and fresh," the hubby says looking at the package.

"No we need wild caught fish out of the ocean! Not this stuff, it's so full of mercury I'll automatically spit out a temperature when someone touches me!" I say putting away the package.

"This comes from the person who eats the yellow mustard out of the crab," he mutters, "the filters of the sea."

"That's different, you can't mess with my crabs, wait, that doesn't sound right."

He laughs, "The Old Bay will purify them."

"If that doesn't work, all the beer I drink eating crabs is the perfect sanitization," I say, laughing.

We decide on wild caught from the popular side of the ocean with all the friendly dolphins fish  massaged gently, keeping it calm before it hits the table.

Moving to the rest of the meal, I select a bag salad prompting the hubby to say, "You know you are wasting money buying bag salad, you should buy all the ingredients and make it yourself."

I think about it, part of what he says is true, "But I pay for convenience. If it is pre-made, I'll actually eat the salad. If I have to make it myself it becomes science experiment 1057 in the back of the refrigerator."

"Ah," he says, "What about the deer walking through with shit on their hooves giving us all ecoli?"

"That's why we buy this special vegetable wash, duh," I reply.

"Smells like water to me, are you buying a jug of water for washing vegetables? How do you know this doesn't have cleaning agents containing hormones that grow bigger boobs, though I wouldn't complain about bigger boobs."

I look at him, open my mouth, close it, open it one more time,

"Let's just eat candy from now on."

"Yeah!" I hear from the children running for the candy aisle.

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