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Kelly Melang, writer, business owner, avid fitness freak.  If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space!

Saturday, October 1, 2016

WTF - Uh Oh, He's walking toward me!

Oh no, he's coming toward me!

Living in a small community means rules are slightly different. We've already learned how quickly word travels around this town, pleasantly surprised when the trash truck stops and asks if you need help when you're stopped in the 20 yard area on the mountain where you actually get a signal.

Small town means small get togethers meaning rewriting the etiquette when it comes to a party.

On this mountain we have what's called "Touchers," "Kissers" and "Huggers.


No I am not talking about the National Pedophile database, I'm talking about the way we great each other at get togethers. Knowing everyone in your inner circle means you should remember what
 to expect.

The "Toucher" simply touches your shoulder. We call them "drive bys" the makes you think they are buying you another drink,  30 minutes later you realize it was a goodbye.

The Kisser is the person that leans forward like the Toucher, but always includes some type of kiss - juicy, dry, peck or "was that tongue?" type of kiss.  You have to be careful about the Kisser, know whether they are a right or left kisser because if you aim for the wrong side you'll end up with a little French action you didn't anticipate.

The Hugger is the most benign, a quick hug. Where the Hugger gets complicated is when the hug lasts a little too long, what is deemed inappropriate? Sure, I know the hug with the hands on your ass is considered inappropriate or if they snap your bra in the process. Remember huggers sometimes need that reminder, from a slight pull away to a kick in the balls to, LET GO."

So I'm at a local establishment, enjoying a tasty beverage and some live music when I spy him from across the room. He already smiling at me moving through the crowd,  I try to remember, is he a "Kisser" "Hugger" or just a "Shoulder?"

I'm thinking Fran Tarkenton would be a good announcer for this move........

"Well Chris looks like he's planning a running move. He's fading back before charging forward. He cleared several blockers, a quick spin move to the right and Chris, he may break free.  Yes, he's free his arms are coming up. Look she's dropping back anticipating the pass!. She's looking a little awkward, her arms are shoulder height, is she in Hug Mode, or blocking him with a Touch Mode? Ohhhh, contact is made!

A combination of Kiss and Hug!

Gentleman I think he's close to the finish line. No! She backed off and moved to just Touch Mode. Chris, I think we'll need instant replay to see if any illegal contact was made."

So when invited to the small intimate party on the mountain keep a cue card in your pocket listing names and types.

Never underestimate the audacity of a Kisser and never ever, lose sight of the Hugger.

Coming up, Huggers, Kissers and Touchers are totally different animals when it comes to the extra padding of ski clothes!

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